1-2-12 Letting Go
Friday morning I decided to start my list of New Years Resolutions, you can check it out below and be a witness to it and I can look at it next year and see how many I kept and how many need to be re-added! LOL In the afternoon I headed out to get a bin to put the outdoor Christmas lights in, listening to my borrowed book on CD and heard a great quote:
and I saw Randy pass me on 35, only when I am on vacation am I out in the daytime around here could this happen, so it was odd to see him. I didn't know if he saw me so I sped up on his right to wave.....but someone was with him so I ducked and turned. I felt a tinge of sadness but not much, it was one of the kids not HER at least. I went home and layed down to watch a movie and ignored my phone when it rang..... I checked it when I woke up and was pleased to see it was him so I called him back right away. He said I saw you today, and that he had taken junior to shop-rite to buy food for the New Years Party he was going to have with them. Then he talked about how he had to work 10-6 sat an 10-5 sunday so it wouldn't be a late party. I had given him the address of where I would be at midnight NYE just in case they ditched him though....
In the evening I went to the Comedy Show event with the divorce meetup. I saw a few people I hadn't seen in a long time. I also saw Tina and gave her some of the free Starland Ballroom tickets and I saw Joe and gave some to him as well. I had to give her a pep talk about keeping her group but told her also that if she got fed up she can always just use my groups. I got home just after midnight and was full of energy and ended up watching a TV movie, Big with Tom Hanks. Its was about a 13 yr old boy who gets big, goes to NYC gets a job and a girlfiriend and she is so happy with him and his innocent side (because inside he is still the 13 yr old) It reminded me a lot of Randy and when I saw how much fun the woman had with him I remembered how much fun he is and how he keeps me feeling young and having fun. In the movie the boy did mature and he did get very responsible but in the end he missed being a boy and he got changed back and went home. I wondered if there was any message in the movie for me, then again I am always looking for signs, probably too much. I let it be....
Saturday I woke up and the angel-card-of-the-day was New Love, again I wondered if it meant I was going to have a new man or that I was going to see a new man in Randy. I let it be..... and headed off to get my bloodwork done for the hospice place, finally my last thing to finish before I could start my volunteer work. I then went to the gym and got there just in time for the centergy class, (yoga to music), and was glad I made it. Afterwards I ran a ton of errands and got home arond noon and decied to make a late breakfast sine all I had was coffee so far. I made pancakes and veggie bacon that Shawn had left in my freezer. YUCK! I am NOT adding veggie bacon to my diet no way. I then cleaned two rooms and marveled how I had so much energy on only 5 hrs of sleep! I kept wondering if Randy would text to wish me a happy new year but he did not. I tried to rest but couldnt and then got ready and went to my party. I met a few nice new people, and saw a lot of old friends and passed out a lot of free tickets. I saw my new reiki friend and got to meet her husband, she told me that he can atral travel and I told her that Randy can too, it made me realize how important a spiritually connected mate is to someone like myself. It also made me feel a twinge of sadness to know he'd rather be with the boys than with me on NYE. I went outside to check out the fire and looked up and noticed that the resteraunt was right under that huge condo complex that Randy had wanted to go see the price for us to possibly live there someday. I couldn't resist anymore and I sent him the picture...really nice he replied.....I sent back I hope you are having a happy new year with the kids.....he did not reply.
I really enjoyed the party though, mixing and mingling with old and new friends. I saw my old business partner there, I had hoped he might have brought me back my flash drive that he promised to return but he wouldn't even look my way when I tried several times to catch his eye so that I could wish him a Happy New Year, oh well time to give up hope that we will be able to restore our friendship. Also there was a gal pal of mine who has been dating a guy friend of mine that I have known for a very long time so I decided to talk to him about her and the relatioship and see if I could encorage it some. He had a lot of valid points however, not to me deal breakers but bothersome enough. Relationships are that way, no two people are going to be a perfect fit the question remains how much you want to give in and compromise on to be together. So after talking to him I told her, you know you really are going to have to learn to go camping with him or move on and find someone who is NOT outdoorsy like you are not. The next day when I posted the below quote from Neal Donald Walsh's daily newsletter she replied ok out with the old in with the new I am ready to find my soulmate! Honestly it really is just a matter of letting it be, letting go and allowing rather than strugling.......
Sunday morning this was the message for new years day from my Converstaions With God daily message:
every day is a New Beginning.
A new cycle begins this day, yet a new cycle begins
every day. Indeed, every moment. So if you recognize
anything on this day, recognize what it symbolizes: The
miracle of the endlessly continuing Cycle of Life.
What a grand day! What a time for celebration! We
begin again today! We turn the page! And so, let go
of all that you do not wish to carry with you any further.
Any fear, any sadness, any anger, any resentment, any
disappointment, any lament...let it all go. And now,
using the specialness of this day as a springboard,
let's get on with Life!
I lazed around trying to get caught up with my e-mails and cassiescalendar work. I really need to let go some of the things that I do because it's taking up too much of my time and not making me much money. It's just a matter of figuring out what, but I will pray on it and ask the angels to guide me. My roomate cooked that free turkey I had gotten from Shop Rite and in the evening I had a movie meetup event to go to. We had a very nice time particularly talking afterwards at the diner. My one friend told me however that another ex friend of mine reads my blog and cuts snippets out of it and finds fault with me. She has always judged me, and everyone else, very harshly. Yet here she is 44 years old and never married or been able to keep a man for very long despite the fact that she is very pretty--- on the outside-- I wish she could let go of her past pain and hurt from her childhood that made her this way. I offered reiki to her many a time but she never got it. My other friend who came is friends with my ex business partner and he told me he thinks he too must read my blog because he knows so much about every little thing that's going on in my life and what I am up to and what he thinks of my website and how he'd make it better. Honestly he needs to let it go already too! I told my friend how I had such a crush on this guy a couple years ago and he was shocked, had no idea and asked me why. Because he gave me so much attention I said, its simple as that. To me time/attention is love I said.... Of course this got my other friend on the Randy topic, she says she knows I love him and he makes me happy but she says I see you just as exacerbated with him too most of the time. I know I told her, I know. My guy friend said to me that I must have some commitment issues, I told him no I have had choosing issues, but I am much better than I was, I am almost ready to choose..... My gal pal said I need to have courage to talk to him about it and I told her we already have and pretty much decided to be together but not yet, he wants to wait till his kids move out. But I know that IF I am going to be with him someday fully commited I have to learn to let go of being upset with him for liking to hang with the boys so much, it does make me nuts BUT on the other hand, with him I can be anyone that I want to be and have complete freedom and acceptance of me for who I am, that goes a very long way I said. Yes it really does she said to me. We sat there and discussed event ideas for the coming year and then said our good nights, all of us agreeing we are going to have a great year!
Monday I woke up and got to work on web stuff that needed to be done, and going through posts and making plans for my day. Last I had talked to Randy he was supposed to come see me for a "date" this day, I decided to wait and see if he rememebered me and not message him. This message popped up in my news feed:
I don't know what all my something better is going to be but I do know for a fact that everything in my life is going to be better, I know this because I am letting it all GO! Some things and some people will be gone for good, some will wander back into my life in new and better ways, thats yet to be seen and I am not going to look back OR too much forward I am going to look at the day at hand. I trust whatever it is that comes to me this year it will be good because I am going to think it so with positive thoughts and let go of negative ones.
Today take a look at your own life and see what you can let go............and bring in the new year, the new you!
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
My New Year's Resolutions:
- Go to the Gym at least 3 times a week--- letting go: Go to the gym regularly and work towards my goal of being leaner and stronger so that I can hike and bike to all the scenic vistas I want to see.
- I am going to eat healthy food, cut out the junk--letting go : I am going to add more fresh fruits, veggies and healthier choices to my diet but not deny myself totally of a burger, or real bacon or a cookie sometimes too
- Do not worry so much, focus on what I want not what I do not want.....letting go: I am going to dwel in possibilities and positivity!
- Make or get lots of money and pay off all my depts-- letting go: always have the money for whatever I need and never lack, hoard or fear about my needs.
- I want to read more--letting go: I am going to listen to books on CD in the car, and pray for more time to sit in parks and on beaches and read and relax
- I am going to attract my perfect mate--letting go: I am going to be happy with who shows up in my life and trust that it will all just fall into place in the right way and the right time
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