“If you want to change the world, love a woman all the way through until she believes you, until her instincts, her visions, her voice, her art, her passion, her wildness have returned to her, until she is a force of love more powerful than all the political media demons who seek to devalue and destroy her.” ~ Lisa Citore ♥
Monday after work I headed out to the gym. I was still achey but I knew I needed to get back in the game. I ended up taking the kick box class and I really pushed myself more than ever. I am seeing slight improvement there in how much I can do. When I got home Clint called me to firm up our date plans for Wednesday. He has upgraded it from a just coffee to dinner too. I think he likes me, then again he hasn't seen how fat I am yet, the pic I sent I am the same size but it looks good, not from a side angel. Ya ya I know I know me and my fat issues. He talked a bit about his divorce settlement and how he is resentful about how his wife would never work even when the kids were all grown, his youngest is 21! She also got a lot of financial support in the divorce and the house and the rental house. I can't help but feel a little resentful when I hear of all these big settlements women get. Oh and he had to pay for BOTH lawyers and she left him for a 25 yr old because he was on the road working so much! It boggles my mind, it really does. After he hung up I got a call from another Mary friend of mine who just got diagnosed with breast cancer, she is a nurse and she heard about Reiki at the hospital so I am going to give her a treatment and see how it works for her. She is skeptical but she wants to try it. I am praying very hard to the angels to assist me with this she needs a healing for sure she is single and has kids who still depend on her a great deal.
Tuesday driving to work Randy was on my mind, I had gotten a text late the night before and thought it was him and was disappointed when it was not. I prayed dear angels to show him, to at least help him to understand WHY I left him in the past and now. I said I do not want him anymore but I wish he could see from my side, so he understands. It seemed the answer that came was he knows, he just hardened his heart and he chooses to not care. Ok then please help me to keep him from my mind I asked. When I got to work I made a quick phone call to my bank to verify that the township can take over the mortgage and I told them I received the insurance check also. I have to send it back to them, I can not cash it but I asked if I could have it back when the township assumes the mortgage. Its not much money but it would sure help, they were not sure.My friend never ended up coming for Reiki due to the traffic, which gave me plenty of time to get some chores done around the house and to think..........probably to think too much......
I kept thinking about Randy and it frustrated me on how he doesn't seem to understand why I am leaving him.. AGAIN.....it bugged me all evening and in the end I called Mary. I asked her do you think he really doesn't get it? She said that we have always known that he has the mind of a 12 yr old and he thinks that is a good way to live his life and that you should just accept that. But it's not fair to you to have to raise another child she said, nope nope I said I pretty much decided that I am better off alone than with him. She said its a sad thing because he and I are soul mates and we belong together but he is going to have to spend this life alone and come back and try and do it right in his next life, he just isn't willing to change and grow up and heal. I went to sleep feeling good about the decision I made and also deciding to not worry if he gets it or not, thats my Karma not his.
Wednesday I was encouraging my friend Wendy to do some of her classes on Skype and she told me that she truly wants to but finding the time is so very difficult. I told her that I often pray for time. I told her that when I pray for time it's almost like the clock stops ticking just for me. I truly have experienced this, i encourage anyone to try it. I too never used to be able to find the time to do the things I wanted to do but I do now. All we have to be is willing to change a little.......and then I made up the following quote:
When the Spirit is willing the flesh can be manipulated! ~cassie 2012~
Its true too! I made some changes to my abundance vision board, I added the weight loss, husband and money mantras and decided to take down the post-it for the Vermont cabin. I really only wanted a Vermont cabin for Randy anyway, and just for good measure I took down the stuffed moose I had gotten on one of my trips up there. Time to change my energies and my life!
After work I got ready and went to meet Clint for our date. He arrived right on time and greeted me with a big hug. I noticed he had his blue tooth on his ear and commented on it, he said oh I hope you don't mind I have to take a couple calls. I don't mind I told him. He was very nice and he paid for the meal, he wasn't really floating my boat but he wasn't unattractive either, he could grow on me I thought. I hoped.... I like most the eyes and the hands, well his eyes were un-remarkable, no depth there and his hands were chubby, like they belonged wrapped around the handle of a beer stein.........still he was such a nice guy and we matched on so many levels... He did end up turning the phone off too. But what bugged me was the date only lasted an hour and a half! I am used to first dates turning into long talking sessions when there is a spark, then again we really didn't have a spark he hadn't asked much about me and seemed disinterested about my Reiki and spiritual stuff like he didn't belive in it. He hugged me and kissed me good night on the cheek and told me he would call me and e-mail me and we could meet again........I wasn't sure I wanted to but I said ok sounds good. Since we met at 4:30 and the date was over by 6pm I went shopping before heading home. I kept telling myself that I need to try harder to like him, then just before the drawbridge a truck pulled in front of me.......a pick up truck with Vermont plates! Stop it I yelled to the universe.
Thursday I ended up telling Clint that I thought it was going to be very difficult for me to tolerate his busy work schedule even though I understood he had no control over it. I told him I would be willing to go out as friends, dutch treat of course. He said he isn't always this busy but ok as long as I could deal with it and perhaps he could meet one of my friends and it would work out. I told him sure come Sunday to game day or next week to the Super Bowl Party I think he was happier about not having to pay for my meals if we go out more than anything, I could be wrong but money seems to be a big focus with him, if he knew the size of my credit card dept he'd faint. LOL Around lunchtime I finally broke down and texted Randy to see how his trip was. Ya ya ya I can hear your collective groans out there, but I did promise to stay his friend. He texted back that the sled broke, cost $500 to fix and he got sick and came home Tuesday. Sorry to hear that I replied, maybe it will go better this weekend. I then asked him about where can I get wiper blades (mine was broken) and if he'd come over and put the new ones one. He told me two places, and said sure he'd come over. I stopped on the way to the gym and texted him right away, hoping he might even stop over that night, or the next day as I was working from home....he never replied.... That night I prayed to God to help me, help my sons and even Randy too.....
Friday morning bright and early Jeremy called me to ask was I working in the office that day. No it's friday I told him. He said he needed to get out of Flemington that there was some trouble up there. I told him I had to work and he needed to get a ride, in the end though I had to take a 1/2 day off work and drove halfway to get him at the mall up there. He's got a mind to make some changes though, said he needs to fix up his life, needs to see a doctor and take care of this anxiety once and for all, wants to start reading more, wants to get a job now instead of waiting for schooling. I felt hopeful that he was growing up some more. I also told him that he probably is an indigo child and that is why he's so troubled, that if he could get in touch with his god and remember why he was brought here he's be so much happier. He listened to me some....We went to the library and he got a book on inport/export for dummines, I got some more books on CD and while I was in the dollar store he put my new wiper blade on, 5 minutes later my phone went drrrooooidddd. It was Randy asking if I had gotten the wiper blades. Jeremy answered him and said yes, I texted you last night. I told Jeremy that I bet the universe blocked my text, it has a way of looking out for ya once you set your intention....Then when we got home I said I got them last night Jeremy came home today and he put them on for me. Ok that's great he said. Wierd that you never got my text I said, Yeah it sure is he said...well have a safe trip I sent and that was all...
Sometimes the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, at those times all you have to do is pray to god and the angels and tell them you need some help, once you turn over that situation they WILL help you, even if you have some weak moments. All that is needed is a willing spirit. Randy he's not ready to love me because he's not willing to grow up, Clint he's not ready to love me because he's not willing to give up or slow down that pace to earn so much money, he lost his family over it why would he slow down for me? But that's ok, someone someday will come along and be willing to love me all the way through.......in the meantime I will continue to love me, and I will get by just fine...
What are you willing to do to make better changes in your life today????
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
No comments:
Post a Comment