1-6-12 The Right Fit
Monday afternoon I waited for Randy while I did chores and got caught up on internet work I had to do. I thought of texting to see if he was coming but I didn't feel like doing so. I said a prayer to give that up to God and asked for some guidance, I said give me a date to read, meaning a date from an older blog to reflect on, it came to me to read March 21st the answer was clear, he doesn't want to play with me, he has his own pursuits as I do mine. This has always been the crux of our problems, I still on this day didn't know if I wanted to share my life with a man who shares none of my hobbies and I none of his, and man who wants to run off and play with the boys so very much. I decided to re-think my day and was folding the laundry convincing myself it was best to forget him, that he hadn't even texted me to wish me a happy new year yet when my phone when drrooooiddddd. It was him, he said happy new year, I miss you....I thought we had a date today I said, I got up, showered put on make up and been ready for you since 10m (it was nearly 2 then) he said I come over now....I decided to say OK even though by then my heart wasn't in it.
He came right over and I said are we going somewhere first or pokey first? He didn't say anything and so I said OK pokey first.... We were laying there after talking about a bunch of stuff and I asked about his new years and he went on about how much fun he had with the kids and their friends. I told him about my party and how I met a friends husband who can astral travel like he does and I asked him if he had any visions lately and he said yes yes as a matter of fact I did a week or two ago. He said he was standing in his house he has now, with his junior (the older kid that he likes) and it was all re-done inside, bigger rooms, wider hallways. hardwood floors he said it was just how he had said he hoped to make it look someday. I asked who lived there with him, was she there? No he said. Was the younger kid there? No he said. Just me and the junior and he kept asking me was I happy, is this what I wanted, is this how I wanted it to be. He noticed the change in me right away, the blow hit me hard.....and finally I said that must be your future, because you saw my future, you knew I was going to end up in this house here you saw it, me in this little house, temporarily....maybe he said. But I was not in it I told him. He said nooooooo noooooo that's not what it meant. Shortly after that his phone started buzzing, it was the junior looking for him. He had complained that he couldn't find anyone to go skiing with him and that he didn't have the money to spend on junior and his friends, because junior would not go with him unless he could bring a friend. I just rolled my eyes and told him he better get home. He looked real sheepish as he left, saying you look mad. No I am not mad I told him and I wasn't........just disappointed.....i oughtta be used to that by now....
I am tired of the pain, I want to take off these Randy shoes! They just do not fit me!
I called my buddy Mike on Tuesday and asked his help on this one. He said that the only thing for me to do way to get myself out there and start dating seriously and stop thinking about Randy so much. He is right on that point. He also told me that I need to dress up more. I have to think about that one, I DO dress up put on make up and dress fashionably when I got out. I do not wear a lot of jewelry or heels or skirts however. I do know that the women who do get more attention though. He also mentioned a mutual female friend and how she just can't keep a man. She went on a big diet and she lost a lot of weight and she looks amazing....however she didn't work on the INSIDE of herself. Not that she isn't a pretty nice person, she's a bit brash and harsh and loud, then again there maybe men that like that, who are we to say? There is a glove for every hand so they say....
Wednesday I woke up from a very intense dream where I was married to an old co-worker friend. It was showing me how things were and sort of like asking me if I was happy that way. He was a nice friend, and he took care of me thats for sure, I liked that about him and I want that in a man. We had a good social life too in the dream but there wasn't any passion. In the dream I talked to him about that and he said that I needed to be more agressive to him and initiate sex. Thats about the time I woke up. I am still pondering this one, I have been told that I am too standoffish with guys, that I need to flirt a little more. I confess all the men I have dated are ones who came on strong to me with just a hint of encouragement. I like it like that. Then again, I have looked back years later on some and realized that some guys I knew really had been into me and I had been oblivious to it. Oh well. I am going to try and pay a bit more attention and be a bit more friendly when I go out to events, once I know a guy I can be as agressive as he is but no one knows that when they just meet me. Guess I got a bunch of dating to start doing, better polish up the ole personal ad! LOL Wednesday night I went to my friend Jame's World Hypnotism Day event. It was very very informitive! I want to be a hypnotist now! LOL I have been inspired to give myself the following two suggestions every night before I got to sleep:
I am getting thinner and stronger and healthier every day
I am married to my perfect mate our life is rich and filled with love.
I earn all the money I need with ease and I help others
Thursday at work we all went out to lunch and my one annoying co-worker while we were all walking to the cars he asked had I made a new years resolution to get him in trouble? I said no why and he said my boss had called him up and yelled at him to get something done. I had actaully asked my boss to get what I needed from him because we had all asked many times. This guy's been with the company for nearly 35 years, he's been shuffled from group to group to group when he doesn't get along with others. He never seems to fit for very long, only a few years. But thats the good thing about J&J, they are like the Catholic church, no one ever gets fired only re-assigned! LOL That night I came home and Jeremy was packing up and getting ready to leave and go to Flemington to stay at Alexe's for awhile, he was very very upset and told me that he would not be coming back untill I got rid of my roomate. The boys then went on to tell me stories of how much "activity" had gone on behind the curting where they were sitting and how sick and perverted and awful, not to mention the smell despite all the air fresheners and incence. I was talking to him and telling him I would handle it when the roomate came home. So I just told him while I had my courage up. He of course denied it, and I had told him before not to do that when my son was down there and to ask for some privacy. But it seems an hour isnt enough he does this for hours on end! I talked to Randy and he said it would be hard for me to get a new roomate and this dude was harmless but the more I thought about it I realize this is just NOT a good fit for him or for us. He needs a more private place to live, I can see why his parents kicked him out! He has a right to be whomever he wants to be but he needs to find a place where he fits, that place is not my home! (even though he did get up and washed himself good the next morning i had to clean my tub before i could take a shower!) ugh!
Friday was a work from home day, getting tons of stuff done, I did enjoy the peace with Jeremy gone and I cleaned up to prepare for my attract your soulmate workshop. I hope to help everyone learn how to attract thier soulmate, part of that is working on being the right person to attract the type of person that you want! I mean I may want a pair of strappy heels but if my feet are fat and bloated and I don't have a pedicure they aren't going to look very good on me are they?? Then again I do prefer my flip flops or my uggs, but I digress...
Today I want you to try a few new situations on for size. And maybe take a look at your relationships too, both friends and lovers. Do they "fit" right or are the too painful? Too tight? Too big? Do they leave callouses? Maybe its time to pack up a few things and take them to the good will store, or maybe just put them away in the back of the closet and only wear them on some occasions. But by all means don't think you have to stick around and keep a painful fitting ANYthing!
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
saw this and wanted to share it with you all: its going to be an amazing year!!
WELCOME TO FLIGHT 2012!
As we prepare for take off please make sure that your vision is clear and that you are ready to live in an upright position.
All self-destructive behaviors should be surrendered at this time. Should we meet with any turbulence during the flight, stretch your hands above your head and pray. Your prayers will be automatically answered by the depth of your trust. Once you trust that you will be supported and protected, you can assist other passengers.
There is no excess baggage permitted on this flight. The tower has cleared us for take off and we anticipate moving at a very high altitude. Whether your destination is peace, joy, wealth, health, companionship or greater service in the world, if you do your part, we will do ours. Now, buckle up, sit back, relax and enjoy the good you will be creating as we soar toward our destination.
Your Captain ~Iyanla Vanzant~