12-30-11 Spending Time
Monday I did a little shopping, I was happy to find a $30 electric tea pot for $7 so I got it. We like to have herbal tea at my spiritual meetings. At 3 I met Dad and Jeremy at Red Lobster for lunch, his and Mom's favorite place to eat together. I stopped and visited with my Aunt Dee and Aunt Brenda on my way home.It was nice to chat with them a bit, feeling like the days of my childhood and teenage years and they were very good friends to me growing up. One therapist told me it was because of my Aunts balancing out my Mom's crazy that I survived! Aunt Dee had a fit when I told her I still hang out with Randy..he's soooo immature that one (I had forgotten I had taken him to Ohio that one summer) Aunt Brenda told me I know you had a hard life it wasn't easy. When I left there still was no message from Randy despite that he would have been at work by then, a tiny voice inside me said maybe the text didn't go through, I ignored that voice thinking it was probably just wishful thinking and headed home to Dad's.... As I drove past the Christmas lighted homes I thought to myself that must have been our goodbye on Christmas eve. I had said afterall that when I got back from my trip I was going to put him behind me and move on, forget him, put my energies into something else and wait for God to bring me someone in the right timing. I felt a little sad but I had faith, he would be gone from my thoughts....... And then I got home and logged onto facebook and saw that his sister had subscribed to my status updates.....I wondered why......
Tuesday morning I got up and logged on to facebook to find this:
"When people say "Let it go," what they really mean is "Get over it," and that's not a helpful thing to say. It's not a matter of letting go - you would if you could. Instead of "Let it go," we should probably say "Let it be"; this recognizes that the mind won't let go and the problem may not go away, and it allows you to form a healthier relationship with what's bothering you." ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn
Let it be, so much easier than letting it GO...I like that I can do that. Knowing he would want to know about Denise I had sent him a message and he had answered it, saying he had no clue but don't talk to her she's nuts, I did send her a hello and asked why she subscribed to me (she had not friended me). I put it all out of my mind, had breakfast with Dad and Jeremy and I headed home to New Jersey. I was glad I had posted asking for prayers because it was pouring rain the whole trip! I was so stressed and tired when I got home. I was pretty upset to find that my bathroom was very dirty, looking like it had not been cleaned. I wasn't happy as I give my one roomate a huge break in the rent for doing it, it nagged at me all evening...
Wednesday I woke up and started cleaning the kitchen and putting away decorations and organizing stuff. I had wanted to get to the gym but the chores took all day and I only made a dent. I decided that she had in fact NOT cleaned the bathroom as the same spots were on the floor, the same candle soot on the side of the cup holder. I was angry then, realizing I had left the cleaning stuff out for her so she had NOT forgotten. I decided to clean it myself the following day and left her a note to that effect and I would need the full rent the following saturday and perhaps she could clean it next friday... I rushed out the chiropractor at 4 then to Sears for my oil change, hoping to somehow find time for the gym this week. On my way home I stopped at the $5 store to get Jeremy the correct headset for his X-box 360 as the one I got him was for a PC. Which reminds me that I prayed for a way to get him a computer and while we were home my Dad said he no longer used my old lap top that I had given to him a few years back so he gave that to Jeremy! See how God provides? While shopping I got a call from my old housekeeper, she misses me and she said she knew I didn't need a housekeeper again or I would have called as promised but she was visting her friend who lives in my same town and she begged her to call and ask me. I relayed the story of my roomate and they both said that was ridiculous what it was costing me for her to do just the bathroom. So I told her to give her friend my number, she could come by and give me a price for the whole house, and maybe once a month I could have her come when I got really busy doing events (and thusly making a few bucks). I had thought I was giving my roomate a break but now it seems like I was just getting screwed.
I recalled how I had first come to have a housekeep years ago......it was the early years of my husband being gone and me trying to work full time, run a home and raise two boys alone. I left them long chore lists but even when the did clean they didn't do a good job. God had blessed me that fall with a substantial sum of money from stocks at my company, a huge answer to prayer when I had no way to know how I was going to pay the mortgage... Anyway we were still in therapy then, I kept going because it kept our DYFS case open and they paid most of Jeremy's day care bill for me. So I asked my therapist would it be wrong of me to spend a little on a housekeeper just for cleaning up for Christmas and he said no it would be very healthy as it would ease the stress in our home and my time was very valuable too. She came and it was lovely! Not only that it was not that expensive since I used a private person and not a service....after the holidays, with the urging of my therapist, I kept her...and I kept her for 10 years and it was worth it! Sure when I got laid off she got laid off, when times were hard she came less often..but I managed to have her sometimes because she needed the money so badly herself. I gave her many things too, all my old clothes, she'd donate anything she didn't want, dropping it off for me. No it was a good thing, and maybe this call from her was a sign that I was going to be better off soon. A houskeeper was one of the things I put on my abundance vision board and I had been doing some of the exrscices on the book on CD I was listening to, I highly reccomend it Steering by Starlight. To me a housekeeper isn't about being lazy, it's about having more TIME, and you can't put a price on that sometimes......
I also heard from Randy on wednesday besides the e-mails back and forth I texted him to see if he would bring the ladder over so we could get the christmas lights down before Jeremy took off again. He said he would and he'd come visit me soon too. I told him anytime, then added that sunday I posted an event since he had said he may go to Vermont for New Years. He may have asked me if he goes but I can't waste my days off hoping he may show up so I scheduled the event. No more wasting my time waiting for him to come, I am scheduling things! Still we will be able to find a little time together now and again I am sure, if he wants more then he will need to make some serious changes in his life... I also got an e-mail from Dustin saying he had sold a few things so he had money and he ordered some late Christmas gifts for me and his brother. I wondered what had gotten into him! I don't think I am going to like what he sent but I am going to try to read it anyway, he said it was a book that had helped him to make some money.
Thursday my angel-card-of-the-day was romance, I was happy about that and wondered if Randy would bring the ladder over that day and stick around for a bit. I got my wish and then some! I spent the morning cleaning the bathroom and taking down more decorations and had just gotten out of the shower when he texted to see if I was home....yep....I be over soon he sent back and was there in 5 minutes with the ladder, all dressed up in nice pants, a sweater, his leather jacket and a fresh haircut! Where you going all niced up like that I asked, I got a date he said. Oh with who I asked, standing there in my robe and wet hair. With you silly he said. He came in and said he was going to go grocery shopping for a party with the kids on New Years but he could stay an hour if I wanted him to..sure do and drug him right to my room. I was done with him in 20 minutes! Ha ha and said see I don't mind these short visits if you pay attention to me in between, its just the attention that I want. He actully ended up staying with me for 3 hours, we lounged around together talked and played and talked and played till finally he said wanna go get some fish sandwiches? You have time for that I asked? What about your groceries? I'll get em tonight he said so off we went, and we sat in the truck and ate while looking at the bay and watched the seagulls. See we are on a date he said, a daytime date. I started to say that if it was really a date he wouldnt have taken my money when I offered to pay for my sandwich but I let it go. As we ate we tossed fries out to the seagulls even though we aren't supposed to do that, he knows how much they amuse me. We saw a UPS truck go by and he said he wished he had this route here, and days too. I said I wish you did to then evenings you could go to the gym with me or I could cook us dinner....
Later after he left I got a call from the woman who wants to clean my house, turns out she is less that a mile away from me and we worked out a price and schedule that is actually going to save me $10 from what Marie was charging me to do only the bathroom. I will clean in between her visits and still have more time than I do now, plus she uses her own cleaning products that will save me even more! Randy had said not to feel guilty when I told him about not using Marie anymore so I was bracing myself to break the news to her. I also checked my e-mail and saw that one of the township guys had replied to my e-mail and thanked me for my generous offer of my house and they were trying to work out the details now. I sent back that I would pray for them to find a good way to do it. I was quite happy, here I was going to have a housekeeper to do the whole house again, and save money doing it AND I was giving my house away and going to make money doing it because I should be able to keep the insurance check when it comes as I had told them I was robbed and of what and that I would not be replacing the items, plus they had to cover all lawyers fees as well. They will do well though as that property can bring them income from tours and donations not to mention the grants that will be available to them. Those nasty freeholders can keep thier Green Acers money to buy up farms for thier own interestes, we were finding a way around them!
Thursday night I went to the gym and had my first training session with a personal trainer. Boy did that hurt! But I have a new routine now to follow and I promised myself to go often so that by the next time in two weeks I would be an ace at it and ready to move on to other things. I prayed for help in finding the time to go as often as I should. Friday I got up, did chores, went to chiropractor, and grocery shopping. My new housekeeer came and I gave her the key and showed her what I needed done. She shared some of her life with me and I realized just how badly she needed this work, far more than Marie needs it that's for darn sure. She talked about losing weight and I told her about my guest pass at the gym and she said she would LOVE to go with me so I promised to text her when I am going and take her with me, since she lives less than a mile away I can even pick her up and save her the gas money too! Right after she left Randy answered my e-mail where I had sent him info on where I would be New Years Eve, near the scenic outlook I had shown him the past fall, and told him if by chance the kids pass out early or ditch him to come sneak down and I would come out so we could kiss at midnight. He replied that he would try...... I told him that according to lore, whomever you kiss at midnight you will be kissing all year long........ I hope he makes it but if he does not I won't be sad, besides the fact that I will be with 300 of my lovely new friends in an area that I love, I will be happy for him that he is having some fun with "his kids". I know that his time with them is running short and I won't begrudge him that time any more. There will be plenty of chances in the New Year for us to spend our time together....
Today I want you to take a look at your life and see what you are "spending" your time on. In the spirit world there is no such thing as time but in this human world it's probably the most valuable thing that we own. Sure there is a time for work a time for play a time for family a time for rest but we must be very careful to keep those things in balance and never ever spend your time on someone or something that isn't paying you back in good measure...........
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
PS saw this and had to share........... welcome 2012 and do not fear the end of the world but rather the birth of a new one that is coming!
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