One day your heart will take you to your lover.
One day your soul will carry you to the Beloved.
Don't get lost in your pain –
Know that one day your pain will become your cure.
Rumi ♥
12-2-11 Don't Get Lost In Your Pain
Monday after work I went down to the basement to see if the cat had come out to eat or use the litter box. He had not so I did some looking around. One place I looked was where he had hid on Saturday, behind the cushions of my new roommate's bed.. I sure wish I had NOT looked there because I found a personal toy or two that I really wish I hadn't seen! I was greatful the cat was NOT there. LOL I searched for a bit and had no luck so I went for a walk and I tried to do my shadows photo assignment from Anthony but it just doesn't work at night. I am going to have to try it in the day time I guess. I did get some shots of my house with lights on it though. When I got home my roomate Marie who works at a pet store and I talked about the cat and she said she thinks she can get him if I want and I said sure. It took a lot but she found him and we put him and his litter box and his food in my room and closed the door. I ran out to the store and got him a small bed to hide in and some cat nip too. I also texted Randy and asked him if he could please stop over for just 10 min to help me as he was 'the cat wisperer" . I will try he said...
Later about 9:30 sure enough Randy showed up and got the cat out and held him and petted him and talked to him till he purred then he had me hold him and he petted him and talked to him till he purred when I was holding him. He was flicking his ears and playing with him like he used to do with Skooter and the cat liked it just like Skooter did! We marveled how much he was like him and he told me how none of his cats are like him , how they are wild and crazy and make a lot of noise and knock things over. My cat got down and sniffed and walked around the room and then walked across my makeup table and did not knock a thing over! I like that careful, slow moving type cat. I asked Randy what I should name him, he said Skooter but I said oh I don't want to steal your name in case you get a new Skooter someday. He couldn't stay long and I walked him to the door and I really felt my heart strings tug, he looked so cute in his UPS uniform. I like a man in working man's clothes, its what I am used to, what makes me feel secure and safe. I then went to bed and the cat sat on my dresser and watched me watch TV, this is him below:
Tuesday was a work in the office day and when I came home the cat still had not eaten. I was very concerned and wrote to Pam and texted Randy and worried about what to do. Randy gave me a lot of suggestions so I went to the store and got some other things to try and he said he'd stop after work again if he could. But I did get the cat to eat so I texted him and he didn't come, I kinda wish he had anyway but I guess I can't have him here everynight. Wednesday though he came again, I had gotten a chicken and we made cookies too so I texted him to say I had homemade cookies for him again and to come any time....when he hadnt arrived by 9:30 I went in to settle in for bed then heard a knock om ny bedroom door. It was Randy. He came in we played with the cat, he told me he feels like we are parents to this cat but he said it with a smile. We talked and he told me how busy works been and how busy the day shift guys are and how they have parties every night when they get their routes done. We talked about how it would be nice if the got full times days but he has all these reason why it will take forever for him to get it. I told him to wish it and reminded him how powerful we are when we wish together and reminded him how it got him the job he has currently and he said true ture and it was an amazing thing that he got it and everyone said so....see just belive I told him.... I'll try he said....
Thursday I had to drive to PA for work, there was a big meeting with all the big wigs and the day before my boss had invited us to come for lunch and a presentation. Usually I do not go to these things due to my heavy work load but my gut told me to go this time and I was glad that I did. I got to make a real good impression on the new boss and it was nice to see some of my old friends and meet some of the new people in a department I work closely with. My energy was high and I was happy. Then at a break time I checked my personal mail quickly and found out the owner of a HUGE singles meetup stepped down without naming someone, I quickly steppped down from one of my not so succesful ones and took it over. I couldn't belive that I got it and this was one where the organizer had not been nice to many people, I knew I could treat them way better and do so much more with the group. I was so happy and excited and so were several of my friends who want to work with me. Perhaps this is going to be the begining of the answer to my dream for myself... I want to make a lot of money by helping others and boy if there was ever a need its in the singles scene. There is so much pain so much loneliness so much need....
On the way home from PA I stopped and met Mary for dinner since I was so rarely on her side of the state. It was good to see her and I wanted to hold her hands and share some of my energy with her. Mike had called me to discuss his ideas of what he wants to do with my new singles group and he told me I was sounding bi-polar, meaning too excited. LOL Gotta love a friend who don't hold back what he thinks! Ha! But I suppose I do ride the wave of energy sometimes, nothing wrong with that though so long as I don't loose touch with reality. Anyway back to Mary, we talked about many things and she was happy to hear Randy was showing up more when I needed him, however she told me, there's a reason that woman hasnt moved out and cleared the way for the two of you yet. You are going to have another choice, you are going to meet another man sometime soon and you are going to like him and be able to talk to him and feel trusting and closeness with him just as much as you do Randy. Just be open to it she said and I said sure sure I am not counting on him, hoping yes, counting no I gave that up a long time ago...
I had a ton of traffic to get through but was happy when Tina called me to discuss event plans. We were busy planning and discussing and it passed the time on the 1.5 hr commute home that at rush hour that was getting longer and longer when suddenly I got hit from behind! My whole car jerked and my arm slammed against the steering wheel, giving me a huge bruise the next day. Some kid about my older sons age came running up to see if I was ok and I said no I am not OK I am calling the cops! All I could think of was my already high insurance premiums, the fact I was looking into trading my beloved car in for something cheaper and my arm huring. Once I had the police on the way and they confirmed that we should move the cars to the shoulder of the road I got out to tell him and discovered I wasn't in a two car accident but a three car! I looked at the back of my car and the front of the one behind me, no damage, then I looked at the back of the second car and the front of the one who hit us, tons of damage! The kid was so upset telling me OMG I am going to jail for sure I have no insurance, I been homeless, I feel asleep at the wheel because I been working such long hours, my family wont help me, I am an ex Marine... I ended up talking to him and calming him down and telling him not to worry as if he were my son while we waited for the cop to arrive. When he did I told him I got no problem and don't want to be on the complaint if you don't mind. So I went home figuring a scratch and a bruise weren't so bad, the kid had enough problems. Its better to react in love... I got on the road towards home and Randy texted me so I called him....I got a booboo can you come over and kiss it for me? Sure he said soon.......
It's been a tough week trying to earn this cats love and trust when he's so skittish but like I put in my newsletter today: Sometimes its worth it to put in the extra work to love and get to know someone who's afraid, they generally turn out to be the most loyal... And I know I put up with a lot from Randy not being there for me but now that I am putting down my pain and just loving he's coming around more too... Really we all just need love to ease our pain and get us through and if we can manage to do that we have found the key to our heaven.....
Hang in there people!
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
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