10-31-11 Going A Little Crazy
Friday was a half day work at home because I had to take Jeremy to unemployment to see if they can get him enrolled in classes. We were very happy that he is going to be approved for them to pay for a class, now we just have to find something and pray they can get him in January so he doesn't run out of unemployment money before he finishes school.
In my Spiritual in NJ Group I had posted ((~ Question of the day ~))
What got you started on a spiritual path? Was there a particular book? A teacher? An action? An event? An opening in awareness? and was waiting to see what everyone was going to say. I had a few replies so decided to share my story:
for me it was when my parents who fought and drank and carried on turned to church when i was 12 yrs old--seeing the change in them was significant--and they went to crazy fundamentalist churches where ppl laid on hands and made a leg grow to be even, talked in tongues, marched around the outside of the church, got spontaneous prophecy during services, etc--- that's when i first heard "my voice"---and i prayed and gave my life to Jesus, also stating i wish i can give up my free will to you also so that i don't make any mistakes, of course it can never work that way-- but after a time *some* of the churches made me physically ill and i couldn't agree with all my parents believed -they called me rebellious but i had to follow my own path--as an adult i chose Catholicism and again while i resonated with much i disagreed with much that didn't sit well with my spirit-- now days i study as many faiths as i can and i take what resonates with my spirit and i blow the rest to the wind.... its a good path and in the end i know we ALL will end up in the same place
I had hoped to get more of a discussion going on that but it didn't take root too much. I think it's a very worthy topic to share though.
Later that night Kevin came over and we all ate dinner together and he, Jeremy and my roommate Jude selected stuff from my bag of old costumes (see I knew there was a reason I kept those) and we all headed out to a Halloween Party. This is us goofing off in the kitchen before going. I texted the picture to Randy and he replied Fun! The party was ok, good turn out but I think only half of those who had signed up and it ended early too. My ex-business partner was there though and he did have a funny costume (Lady GaGa in her meat-suit) so when he passed me I looked at him, nodded and said Funny. He thanked me and kept going.....only to return 2 min later asking if I was going to be at the other big meetup party the following night. No I told him, I am going to a biker party with my friend Chris. Oh ok he said, well the next time I see you I will have your flash drive for you he said, and your money. I was speechless, all I could muster was a thanks.....and he didn't seem to know what else to say either so I blurted out: Do you know who I am supposed to be? No one else gets my costume and you are the only one I know who might........he couldn't get it so I told him I was supposed to be Katy Perry, the song Firework and he said oh you should have done your makeup see what I did and pointed to his..... Pretty neat! See how I totally let go of that situation and it got healed...... I didn't bring up the stone kits he has and don't plan to, I trust God to work that one out too..... When I stopped looking at him with anger and looked at him with love the situation changed....
Saturday I woke up to a snowstorm! I couldn't believe it, even though we had been warned, I had sent the snow map to Randy telling him he better head to PA and get some snowmobiling in, to which he replied he had no one to go with. He also answered my one about had he seen Paranormal 3 yet, I was thinking of asking him to go with me,but he said he saw it and it was good. So I scratched that idea and ran some errands and rested up for the night. I had hoped maybe my friend would want to skip the party since it was snowing but since we pre-paid she really wanted to go. It was good to see her, we see so little of each other now that I have moved. We caught up on much that's been going on in our lives and then she told me she had a dream about Randy. She told me that she dreamed that he married that woman , the she had convinced him to do so she would have health insurance. I told her he told me she asked over the summer but he refused, well I think she's going to talk him into it sometime when you and he are not talking she said. Then I told her how I know no one thinks he's right for me but I can't find anyone else I like or feel comfortable with the way I do him. In the end I decided to text him and tell him if he took my son snowmobiling I would give him some pokey. He replied with a sure will...........I know it's silly but I felt better going home....
Sunday I woke up and kept thinking about the dream Chris had and worrying about Randy getting sucked into that plan, it bugged me so much I finally texted him that I needed to see him in person and could he stop over sometime soon. His reply: it's not my baby....then a second saying that sled rentals are $300 a day this year. What are you trying to tell me I sent back? He replied with Are you pregnant? Then I was really annoyed so after he asked how my party was I texted that I heard he got married is that true.....maybe divorced was his reply......to which I replied and don't lie I am not joking.....he replies oh yes it was awesome he spent 30k on the wedding....goodbye was all I had to say to that to which he replied where are you going? I sent back that I had no time for this never mind and headed off to my yoga class........but when I got there I sent one in the parking lot before going in: I was told you got married by a justice of the peace so she'd have insurance, so if you are thinking of that its a mistake. No reply..........I couldn't let it go despite the fact that I should have and during break sent well did you? He replied are you out of your mind and all I could think was he still never answered my question. Finally he replied that he was coming over at 5:30 and then I felt foolish and replied that I was sorry it's none of my business, I guess there's a part of me that hasn't given up on US yet and that maybe I was going to a movie and would not be home. I had my yoga class, went to the diner with my friend afterwards, discussed all of this and then went home to lay down as I was exhausted......
At 5:40 though I got a text, are you home? Yes ( I knew I couldn't lie as he'd drive by).....be there in 5.....so when he got there I went out to the kitchen and talked to him. He told me that I was crazy and I agreed with him and said that why the heck does he just not answer me after I dump him and then text him weeks or months later. Because I like you and I miss you he said. He reassured me that No he had not and would not marry her and he said he wouldn't marry anyone unless it was a sure thing they would never leave him and he'd get stuck paying and losing his money and did I know how many oil changes and brake jobs he does just to hang on that he wasn't risking losing his money to which I nodded my agreement, thinking how hard I work for what I have. He also told me he's not buying another house he's staying in that one even if he don't like it so much at least it's paid for. He then explained about snowmobiling and how he don't have the money to rent one for Jeremy to ride and his other ones broken and said oh i see she gives you nothing and you took her kids i gave you everything and you won't take mine.....he put his head in his hands and shook it.
We battled on and on but in the end I ended up asking for a back rub which led to cuddling which lead to..... Later he told me that he he couldn't stop thinking about me either and that he kept thinking he saw my car everyplace he went and that day he had seen me in Raritan center by his work and he thought HE was nuts. He said how crazy that I did see him as a couple dozen trucks leave there at that time of day. Then he told me that my old house had contacted him, that it was mad that someone had come and taken things and took part of it apart and messed it up.......well I knew that someone had done just that and I had a pretty good idea who too so I asked him if he knew who and he said that it was a guy in a plaid shirt and he was very heavy! I knew exactly who it was as I suspected and I told him so and he said that I better warn him because the house said it was going to make an accident happen to him if he came back. Now that part I do not believe, because I know the spirit world can't move the physical world, but I do believe that the house is insulted and upset.......I wonder if I should warn him........then again he'd probably think I'm crazy........he'd be in good company! hahahahahahaa
Today are you feeling a little crazy like I am? Well it's Halloween a good day to get away with it no one will recognize you if you go run loose for a little while! You'll be in good company and besides............those who love you already know that you are and love you anyway and those who don't well you can tell em to go take a ride on your crazy train............hahahahahhaaha
With Love and In The Light, Cassie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKPo9HcDXc4
Crazy, but that's how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it's not too late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate
Mental wounds not healing
Life's a bitter shame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
Let's Go!
I've listened to preachers
I've listened to fools
I've watched all the dropouts
Who make their own rules
One person conditioned to rule and control
The media sells it and you live the role
Mental wounds still screaming
Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I know that things are going wrong for me
You gotta listen to my words
Yeah
Heirs of a cold war
That's what we've become
Inheriting troubles I'm mentally numb
Crazy, I just cannot bear
I'm living with something' that just isn't fair
Mental wounds not healing
Who and what's to blame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I had hoped to get more of a discussion going on that but it didn't take root too much. I think it's a very worthy topic to share though.
Saturday I woke up to a snowstorm! I couldn't believe it, even though we had been warned, I had sent the snow map to Randy telling him he better head to PA and get some snowmobiling in, to which he replied he had no one to go with. He also answered my one about had he seen Paranormal 3 yet, I was thinking of asking him to go with me,but he said he saw it and it was good. So I scratched that idea and ran some errands and rested up for the night. I had hoped maybe my friend would want to skip the party since it was snowing but since we pre-paid she really wanted to go. It was good to see her, we see so little of each other now that I have moved. We caught up on much that's been going on in our lives and then she told me she had a dream about Randy. She told me that she dreamed that he married that woman , the she had convinced him to do so she would have health insurance. I told her he told me she asked over the summer but he refused, well I think she's going to talk him into it sometime when you and he are not talking she said. Then I told her how I know no one thinks he's right for me but I can't find anyone else I like or feel comfortable with the way I do him. In the end I decided to text him and tell him if he took my son snowmobiling I would give him some pokey. He replied with a sure will...........I know it's silly but I felt better going home....
Sunday I woke up and kept thinking about the dream Chris had and worrying about Randy getting sucked into that plan, it bugged me so much I finally texted him that I needed to see him in person and could he stop over sometime soon. His reply: it's not my baby....then a second saying that sled rentals are $300 a day this year. What are you trying to tell me I sent back? He replied with Are you pregnant? Then I was really annoyed so after he asked how my party was I texted that I heard he got married is that true.....maybe divorced was his reply......to which I replied and don't lie I am not joking.....he replies oh yes it was awesome he spent 30k on the wedding....goodbye was all I had to say to that to which he replied where are you going? I sent back that I had no time for this never mind and headed off to my yoga class........but when I got there I sent one in the parking lot before going in: I was told you got married by a justice of the peace so she'd have insurance, so if you are thinking of that its a mistake. No reply..........I couldn't let it go despite the fact that I should have and during break sent well did you? He replied are you out of your mind and all I could think was he still never answered my question. Finally he replied that he was coming over at 5:30 and then I felt foolish and replied that I was sorry it's none of my business, I guess there's a part of me that hasn't given up on US yet and that maybe I was going to a movie and would not be home. I had my yoga class, went to the diner with my friend afterwards, discussed all of this and then went home to lay down as I was exhausted......
At 5:40 though I got a text, are you home? Yes ( I knew I couldn't lie as he'd drive by).....be there in 5.....so when he got there I went out to the kitchen and talked to him. He told me that I was crazy and I agreed with him and said that why the heck does he just not answer me after I dump him and then text him weeks or months later. Because I like you and I miss you he said. He reassured me that No he had not and would not marry her and he said he wouldn't marry anyone unless it was a sure thing they would never leave him and he'd get stuck paying and losing his money and did I know how many oil changes and brake jobs he does just to hang on that he wasn't risking losing his money to which I nodded my agreement, thinking how hard I work for what I have. He also told me he's not buying another house he's staying in that one even if he don't like it so much at least it's paid for. He then explained about snowmobiling and how he don't have the money to rent one for Jeremy to ride and his other ones broken and said oh i see she gives you nothing and you took her kids i gave you everything and you won't take mine.....he put his head in his hands and shook it.
We battled on and on but in the end I ended up asking for a back rub which led to cuddling which lead to..... Later he told me that he he couldn't stop thinking about me either and that he kept thinking he saw my car everyplace he went and that day he had seen me in Raritan center by his work and he thought HE was nuts. He said how crazy that I did see him as a couple dozen trucks leave there at that time of day. Then he told me that my old house had contacted him, that it was mad that someone had come and taken things and took part of it apart and messed it up.......well I knew that someone had done just that and I had a pretty good idea who too so I asked him if he knew who and he said that it was a guy in a plaid shirt and he was very heavy! I knew exactly who it was as I suspected and I told him so and he said that I better warn him because the house said it was going to make an accident happen to him if he came back. Now that part I do not believe, because I know the spirit world can't move the physical world, but I do believe that the house is insulted and upset.......I wonder if I should warn him........then again he'd probably think I'm crazy........he'd be in good company! hahahahahahaa
Today are you feeling a little crazy like I am? Well it's Halloween a good day to get away with it no one will recognize you if you go run loose for a little while! You'll be in good company and besides............those who love you already know that you are and love you anyway and those who don't well you can tell em to go take a ride on your crazy train............hahahahahhaaha
With Love and In The Light, Cassie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKPo9HcDXc4
Crazy, but that's how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it's not too late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate
Mental wounds not healing
Life's a bitter shame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
Let's Go!
I've listened to preachers
I've listened to fools
I've watched all the dropouts
Who make their own rules
One person conditioned to rule and control
The media sells it and you live the role
Mental wounds still screaming
Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I know that things are going wrong for me
You gotta listen to my words
Yeah
Heirs of a cold war
That's what we've become
Inheriting troubles I'm mentally numb
Crazy, I just cannot bear
I'm living with something' that just isn't fair
Mental wounds not healing
Who and what's to blame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
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