10-21-11 Willing to Try
Monday after work I was a good girl and I got out my bike and I went for a ride like I promised. I got another picture for my bike travels collection. If it had come out really good you would have seen the Verrazano bridge and Coney Island in the back ground. oh well. I rode over towards the sunset house and headed up the hill, I think I made it 6 more inches higher up that hill. That is my nemesis, to be able to ride to the top of that hill without stopping...someday I will do it too! But anyway I was quite dismayed over the changes they had made to the house, the cement posts they put in where I had wanted to put a garage were painted RED and had metal rings and rope going across them. It looked horrible and totally clashed with the purple shutters. It bugged me so much that I texted Randy that they were ruining "my" house. He replied: I'm sorry honey I will go tell them to stop it.....my reply was I don't want it anymore now that other family got it first and ruined it. Course in my mind I was thinking this is how I feel about him now too, and he knows me well enough to know that's what I was thinking. He replied with: I will get us a better one.......now the rational me should have never felt a heart tug at that comment but well when am I ever THAT rational? Especially when emotions are involved. I wanted to be really snotty but I went with the partially snotty and replied: I wish - but by the time your family gets done with you I bet you'll be ruined too! Ha! That will get him I thought.....but no, he came back with the perfect response for me: U can fix me.....*sigh* .... we both knew it was true, not that he doesn't have to fix himself, but we both know when he hangs with me his vibration rises, as does mine (when I am accepting him as he is) for some reason. We marvel at it but we never question it. It's much like my ex-business partner who had an old knee injury from skiing but after hanging out with me often it went away......but I digress. I finally replied to him saying I shoulda made them pay a security deposit, fixing you may be too expensive. That shut him up.....
Tuesday the angel card was new beginnings and as I drove to work there was a rainbow in the sky. I did feel pretty hopeful and Beth and I set up pay pal for the workshop we are going to do together and we discussed getting together and seeing if we can figure out how to SKYPE it since so many were posting that they wished they could come but were far away. I was very hopeful and happy about the whole thing. I also for some reason was drawn to look at a fortune I had saved on my desk that came from a cookie I got with my Chinese lunch one day. It said: Fall down 7 times get back up 8. Ok....I didn't put a lot of thought into it but it also popped up at least 3 other times that day in my internet wanderings on facebook and blogs and e-mails. Clearly spirit was trying to tell me something but I other than the basic message of it I didn't know what situation they were pointing at......not till later in the day.... I got a text from Randy-- Hi he said. Oh brother now he thinks I want to talk all the time. We texted back and forth for the evening, even after his time to be home time which was odd. I was having a female medical issue (for a month now) and I asked him to go talk to the "people up there" for he, he did and he said they said I just have to go through this for a bit. Then he just kept flirting and wanting to get together for "fun" saying I needed it. I said yes I do but I promised God I would not with you, reminding him that he belonged to HER and I didn't want the bad karama...I said he will bring me someone to love us and live with us.....maybe he already has was his reply....oh do you think its xxxxx? I named the guy who's mine and Jeremy's new friend, knowing full well he is not the one for me but trying to let him think I was maybe moving on. That shut him up.....
Wednesday I worked from home and there was rain all day long. I noticed that my water was a pale brownish color and this started to worry me, was it all over the area or just my house I wondered? I got no e-mails from the township about it... I finally broke down and texted Randy to ask him if his water was brown. He replied that my side of the town did that all the time and that he was at work so he didn't know if it was at his house. I replied with: you saying your side is better?.... Yuppers.... that's fine you and your family are happy over there and me and my kid are happy over here I replied........oh you are funny he sent back....again he said that I needed some pokey....I'm working on that I replied. That ended that conversation. I got really curious as to why he had time to be texting me the night before from home so I spied on his younger "kids" FB page and was surprised to see he posted that he moved out! Wow I wonder if she will too now..... but will I want him if she does? I put those thoughts aside and focused on my work and the evening I spent focusing on helping Pam find people to test the new CassiesCalendar site. She was so happy she texted to me that she was starting to feel pride and confidence in her work. Awesome I said, feels good don't it? All who work on CassiesCalendar and it's events not only help others but it brings help to them as well.......
Thursday driving to work I was thinking about Randy some more, I still feel that God wants us together but of course how things are I can't be. So I just gave it to God and I said to him IF you want me to be with him then SHE has to move out, and if you want me to stay with him for good then HE has to buy US a house. Those are my terms. I easily put it out of my mind after that, I am getting so much better at this let go and let God thing. Later in the day I got an e-mail from Mary asking me to put a fund raiser thing in my next newsletter, I contacted a guy from the divorce group and asked him if he wanted to work together on some events, and finished up the newsletter to be ready to send that night. I wasn't feeling so hot so I opted out of going to the Improv meetup I had registered for. I just have a few mild health things going on and need to take it easy. I wanted to be sure to be ready for the big event on saturday, the Asbury Park Zobie walk Zobie Walk- Asbury Park I also looked over my personality profile that came in from this guy who wants to work with me and another organizer for something for our singles groups. I was pretty suprised with the results. I will post and share them below, not because you need to know that much about me but so that you can see what they can do to help you know yourself, and thusly what type person is best for you relationship wise.
Friday while I was waiting for the guys call I also got a call from the guy who had called me last week about my house. Basically he said he wanted to help ME remove my oil tank so the township will buy the property because he really wants to see them get the place due to its historical value. I flat out told him NO that they have to buy it AS IS or not at all. He went round and round with me and I ended up telling him the whole story and again said NO to removing the oil tank for them, I allowed soil testing I said and it's just an internal political battle regarding apropriation of funds and I am sick and tired of being the victim. It will sell, and as is too and maybe to them but they aren't jerking me around anymore. Next was the call from the guy and we decided to meet with the other singles organizer and work on setting something up. He told me that he can see I am a very fair person and willing to work with people but only after I check out all the term and conditions first. Yup that's me I said! I told him this fits in with my goal this year to stop helping people try to find the right person and work more on being the right person...seems Joe has similar goals too. And heck we can work on me a bit too in the process... I am always willing to try and work with someone.........if the terms are right............
What about you.......what are you willing to try today if the terms you feel you need can be met? Sometimes you can take a look and make changes to your terms, and sometimes you can't.....a little prayer can always help you to be guided to know when to give and when to stay firm..... But most of all, when the heart whispers "Give It a Try"............listen........ for when you follow you heart you never go wrong.........
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
Your Personality Assessment
Cassie Riccioni October 17, 2011
In this report, we will compare your results to those of other adults in the US.
This report shows your results level on each of the five broad personality domains in our validated model. Your personality results will show your strengths and weaknesses in these areas. Because people generally tend to gravitate towards behaviors that provide them with satisfaction, your strengths are likely to be areas you enjoy more than others. You are more likely to easily engage in these areas since they tend to provide gratification for you. Areas of weakness or lesser strength are unlikely to drive you to readily engage in those behaviors. In fact, those areas of behavior may require you to push yourself a bit to do the things needed. When others persist in focusing you on these areas, you are likely to experience less satisfaction from interaction than from behaviors with them in areas that motivate you. Where others take advantage of your weaknesses, you may find dissatisfaction and wonder why the relationship requires so much effort.
When there is a more “natural” fit you are likely to experience greater satisfaction. While life simply doesn’t enable us to do only the things we like, understanding the difficulties we may have sometimes, and recognizing that we occasionally do need to push ourselves, can be quite helpful. Learning that it may take extra effort to do something because we just aren’t motivated the same way as we are to do other things can be the difference between success and failure. Recogniz-ing that some people take much more effort can help you to understand whether or not the extra effort is worth the results. If you are consistently involved with other people who just require “work” without the satisfaction you deserve, perhaps it is time to recognize that there are other ways to do things and other people to do them with.
Each of the five personality domains has six subdomains or facets that tell us more about how your personality works. It is from this more detailed examination of all the component personality elements that you will learn more about “what makes you tick.” No one is simply the “type” or single word exhibited by the overall domain. You’re more complicated than that. By discussing your results in depth with one of our experts, you will be able to better understand what satisfies you, what doesn’t and why. Through that unique consultation and coaching session your next steps become clearer. However, behavioral scientists agree that personality doesn’t explain everything … In fact, it appears that personality seems to predict about a third of the variance in performance. So what that means is that we have a good start to figuring out how you can proceed, but your personality results can’t explain everything. You can make progress on finding more satisfying relationships by focusing on what satisfies you rather than on what doesn’t.
Based on how you answered the questions related to each trait and facet represented in the assessment, you will be identified as low, average, or high, according to whether your score was in the lowest 30%, middle 40%, or highest 30% of all scores.
The scores and descriptions are only approximations of your actual personality as compared to other adults in the United States. The high and low score descriptions usually are pretty accurate, but average scores close to the low or high boundaries might paint a picture of you as only average. It is in the details that the subtle nuances and intricacies of your personality are found. People generally show some consistencies in the six facet scales within each domain, but it is certainly possible to score high in some of the facets and low in others.
We think that for cases like this the details may tell you more than the overall score. So, after you have looked over your results, it may be worthwhile to speak about them with someone who cares about you and really knows you to gain even more understanding. In some instances, your results may point to the desirability of changing your attitudes or behavior in some way. We will talk about how you can make such changes, but without going against your natural styles and intuitions.
Your score on Extraversion is high, indicating you are not a subdued loner and lean more towards being a jovial chatterbox. You generally enjoy time with others but you also don’t mind time alone.
As you can see from the paragraphs that follow immediately, we have provided an explanation of each of the facets so you can have a better understanding of what they mean. We have done this for each of the five domains and their facets (or “subdomains”).
- Friendliness. Friendly people genuinely like other people and openly demonstrate positive feelings toward others. They make friends quickly and it is easy for them to form close, intimate relationships. People who are friendly are likely to have a little easier time at it when they are starting out with others. Low scorers on Friendliness are not necessarily cold and hostile, but they do not reach out to others and can be perceived as distant and reserved. Your level of friendliness is high.
- Gregariousness. Gregarious people find the company of others pleasantly stimulating and rewarding. They enjoy the excitement of crowds. Low scorers tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. They do not necessarily dislike being with people sometimes, but their need for privacy and time to themselves is much greater than for individuals who score high on this scale. Your level of gregariousness is high.
- Assertiveness. High scorers on Assertiveness like to speak out, take charge, and direct the activities of others. They tend to be leaders in groups. Low scorers tend not to talk much and let others control the activities of groups. Your level of assertiveness is average.
- Activity Level. Active individuals lead fast-paced, busy lives. They move about quickly, energetically, and vigorously, and they are involved in many activities. People who score low on this scale follow a slower and more leisurely, relaxed pace. Your activity level is average.
- Excitement-Seeking. High scorers on this scale are easily bored without high levels of stimulation. They love bright lights and hustle and bustle. They are likely to take risks and seek thrills. Low scorers are overwhelmed by noise and commotion and are adverse to thrill-seeking. Your level of excitement-seeking is average.
- Cheerfulness. This scale measures positive mood and feelings, not negative emotions (which are a part of the Neuroticism domain). Persons who score high on this scale typically experience a range of positive feelings, including happiness, enthusiasm, optimism, and joy. Low scorers are not as prone to such energetic, high spirits. Your level of Cheerfulness is high.
Agreeableness is an asset in a wide range of social situations. Agreeable individuals tend to like others and view them in a positive light, whereas disagreeable people are more negative. Despite the label, there is no evidence that those high on agreeableness are more conforming, or more influenced by others in making choices, than are their peers.
- Trust. A person with high trust assumes that most people are fair, honest, and have good intentions. Persons low in trust see others as selfish, devious, and potentially dangerous. Your level of trust is high.
- Morality. High scorers on this scale see no need for pretense or manipulation when dealing with others and are therefore candid, frank, and sincere. Low scorers believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. People find it relatively easy to relate to the straightforward high-scorers on this scale. They generally find it more difficult to relate to the less straightforward low-scorers on this scale. It should be made clear that low scorers are not unprincipled or immoral; they are simply more guarded and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth. Your level of morality is high.
- Altruism. Altruistic people find helping other people genuinely rewarding. Consequently, they are generally willing to assist those who are in need. Altruistic people find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice. Low scorers on this scale do not particularly like helping those in need. Requests for help feel like an imposition rather than an opportunity for self-fulfillment. Your level of altruism is high.
- Cooperation. Individuals who score high on this scale dislike confrontations. They are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny their own needs in order to get along with others. Those who score low on this scale are more likely to intimidate others to get their way. Your level of cooperation is high.
- Modesty. High scorers on this scale do not like to claim that they are better than other people. In some cases this attitude may derive from low self-confidence or self-esteem. Nonetheless, some people with high self-esteem find immodesty unseemly. Those who are willing to describe themselves as superior may be seen as disagreeable or arrogant by other people. Your level of modesty is low.
- Sympathy. People who score high on this scale are tenderhearted and compassionate. They feel the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity. Low scorers are not affected strongly by human suffering. They pride themselves on making objective judgments based on reason. They are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy. Your level of sympathy is high.
Impulsive behavior, even when not seriously destructive, diminishes a person's effectiveness in significant ways. Acting impulsively disallows contemplating alternative courses of action, some of which would have been wiser than the impulsive choice. Impulsivity also sidetracks people during projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Accomplishments of an impulsive person are therefore small, scattered, and inconsistent.
A hallmark of intelligence, what potentially separates human beings from earlier life forms, is the ability to think about future consequences before acting on an impulse. Intelligent activity involves contemplation of long-range goals, organizing and planning routes to these goals, and persisting toward one's goals in the face of short-lived impulses to the contrary. The idea that intelligence involves impulse control is nicely captured by the term prudence, an alternative label for the Conscientiousness domain. Prudent means both wise and cautious. Persons who score high on the Conscientiousness scale are, in fact, perceived by others as intelligent.
The benefits of high conscientiousness are obvious. Conscientious individuals avoid trouble and achieve high levels of success through purposeful planning and persistence. They are also positively regarded by others as intelligent and reliable. On the negative side, they can be compulsive perfectionists and workaholics. Furthermore, extremely conscientious individuals might be regarded as stuffy and boring. Unconscientious people may be criticized for their unreliability, lack of ambition, and failure to stay within the lines, but they will experience many short-lived pleasures and they will never be called stuffy.
- Self-Efficacy. Self-Efficacy describes confidence in one's ability to accomplish things. High scorers believe they have the intelligence (common sense), drive, and self-control necessary for achieving success. Low scorers do not feel effective, and may have a sense that they are not in control of their lives. Your level of self-efficacy is high.
- Orderliness. Persons with high scores on orderliness are well-organized. They like to live according to routines and schedules. They keep lists and make plans. Low scorers tend to be disorganized and scattered. Your level of orderliness is high.
- Dutifulness. This scale reflects the strength of a person's sense of duty and obligation. Those who score high on this scale have a strong sense of moral obligation. Low scorers find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining. They are likely to be seen as unreliable or even irresponsible. Your level of dutifulness is high.
- Achievement-Striving. Individuals who score high on this scale strive hard to achieve excellence. Their drive to be recognized as successful keeps them on track toward their lofty goals. They often have a strong sense of direction in life, but extremely high scores may be too single-minded and obsessed with their work. Low scorers are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy. Your level of achievement-striving is in the average range.
- Self-Discipline. Self-discipline-what many people call will-power-refers to the ability to persist at difficult or unpleasant tasks until they are completed. People who possess high self-discipline are able to overcome reluctance to begin tasks and stay on track despite distractions. Those with low self-discipline procrastinate and show poor follow-through, often failing to complete tasks-even tasks they want very much to complete. Your level of self-discipline is in the high range.
- Cautiousness. Cautiousness describes the disposition to think through possibilities before acting. High scorers on the Cautiousness scale take their time when making decisions. Low scorers often say or do first thing that comes to mind without deliberating alternatives and the probable consequences of those alternatives. Your level of cautiousness is average.
- Anxiety. The "fight-or-flight" system of the brain of anxious individuals is too easily and too often engaged. Therefore, people who are high in anxiety often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. They may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. They feel tense, jittery, and nervous. Persons low in Anxiety are generally calm and fearless. Your level of anxiety is in the average range.
- Anger. Persons who score high in Anger feel enraged when things do not go their way. They are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter when they feel they are being cheated. This scale measures the tendency to feel angry; whether or not the person expresses annoyance and hostility depends on the individual's level on Agreeableness. Low scorers do not get angry often or easily. Your level of anger is average.
- Depression. This scale measures the tendency to feel sad, dejected, and discouraged. High scorers lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. Low scorers tend to be free from these depressive feelings. Your level of depression is about average.
- Self-Consciousness. Self-conscious individuals are sensitive about what others think of them. Their concern about rejection and ridicule cause them to feel shy and uncomfortable abound others. They are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Their fears that others will criticize or make fun of them are exaggerated and unrealistic, but their awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. Low scorers, in contrast, do not suffer from the mistaken impression that everyone is watching and judging them. They do not feel nervous in social situations. Your level or self-consciousness is low.
- Immoderation. Immoderate individuals feel strong cravings and urges that they have difficulty resisting. They tend to be oriented toward short-term pleasures and rewards rather than long- term consequences. Low scorers do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find themselves tempted to overindulge. Your level of immoderation is average.
- Vulnerability. High scorers on Vulnerability experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. Low scorers feel more poised, confident, and clear-thinking when stressed. Your level of vulnerability is average.
Openness to Experience
Openness is often presented as healthier or more mature by psychologists, who are often themselves open to experience. However, open and closed styles of thinking are useful in different environments. The intellectual style of the open person may serve a professor well, but research has shown that closed thinking is related to superior job performance in police work, sales, and a number of service occupations.
- Imagination. To imaginative individuals, the real world is often too plain and ordinary. High scorers on this scale use fantasy as a way of creating a richer, more interesting world. Low scorers are on this scale are more oriented to facts than fantasy. Your level of imagination is in the high range.
- Artistic Interests. High scorers on this scale love beauty, both in art and in nature. They become easily involved and absorbed in artistic and natural events. They are not necessarily artistically trained nor talented, although many will be. The defining features of this scale are interest in, and appreciation of natural and artificial beauty. Low scorers lack aesthetic sensitivity and interest in the arts. Your level of artistic interests is high.
- Emotionality. Persons high on Emotionality have good access to and awareness of their own feelings. Low scorers are less aware of their feelings and tend not to express their emotions openly. Your level of emotionality is high.
- Adventurousness. High scorers on adventurousness are eager to try new activities, travel to foreign lands, and experience different things. They find familiarity and routine boring, and will take a new route home just because it is different. Low scorers tend to feel uncomfortable with change and prefer familiar routines. Your level of adventurousness is average.
- Intellectual Curiosity. Intellect and artistic interests are the two most important, central aspects of openness to experience. High scorers on Intellect love to play with ideas. They are open-minded to new and unusual ideas, and like to debate intellectual issues. They enjoy riddles, puzzles, and brain teasers. Low scorers on Intellect prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. They regard intellectual exercises as a waste of time. Intellect should not be equated with intelligence. Intellect is an intellectual style, not intellectual ability. Your level of intellectual curiosity is average.
- Liberalism. Psychological liberalism refers to a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. In its most extreme form, psychological liberalism can even represent outright hostility toward rules, sympathy for law-breakers, and love of ambiguity, chaos, and disorder. Psychological conservatives prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition. Psychological liberalism and conservatism are not identical to political affiliation, but certainly incline individuals toward certain political parties. Your level of liberalism is in the average range.