10-17-11 Becoming Dust
Friday Jeremy and I were heading out to get wood to build a bed in the basement to rent out some extra space, for some reason I felt that we should make a bed for the person who was to rent there. It ended up being a smart move because the guy who took it not only had no bed but he had no blankets and pillows! We stopped at the thrift shop first though and he ended up buying a used TV for $10 so since it was so huge we had to take it home before going out for wood. We never made it back out though as we worked on the basement, he had an idea to move the extra "room" to the other side of the basement and put my reiki table in the middle to give them a little privacy. It turned out to be a very good idea!
Saturday we got up and out early and headed out to get the wood for the bed and to make a shelf for the new TV. The TV turned out to be an excellent one too! I just love that Good Will store! He got the bed done and I got it made just about the time the new guy came to move in and just before time for us to go down to the beach for the picnic. The new tenant came with us and turns out he knows my friend Tina! He was all smiling and very happy to be included and make some new friends. We had a very small turnout, I'd say a dozen, but we had a good time. Rich made the fire and cooked and he was all proud to show me the new table he got. It was just like mine only smaller, a roll up folding one and he paid $60. I told him I hate to tell you this but mine was $10 and its bigger. Did I tell you how much I love the Good Will store? LOL Tina and I talked some and she wants to do a singles event with me, but she is a little worried that we can draw enough people to keep the hotel happy. I told her I think we can so we decided to meet next week and discuss. I also remembered the dating coach who offered to give a talk to my singles people and I contacted him the next day. This is Tina cooking on the fire.
It was a nice night and we did a lot of relaxing and talking. We did some talking on dating and relationships and I shared some stuff I had read in an online article by Osho and I told them I know the biggest reason I don't have a mate is that my need for love is so deep and there is no one who can satisfy that deep need, I really need to still work on that self love so that I am not like a person dying of thirst in the dessert. One of the guys came later, bearing a huge container of hot chocolate that really hit the spot! He wanted to tell me about the classes he has been taking on Kabala and I was quite happy to listen to him as that is on my to do list of spiritual things to study. What stood out to me more than anything was his talk about the ego and how we waste so much of our life working to satisfy ego desires: food, shelter, warmth, sex etc. but if we were really in the right place spiritually our only desire would be to get closer to and more like God and if we spent our days striving for that, and to bring God and spirituality to as many as possible all our ego needs would be taken care of. I did much thinking on this...... Since the evening was cool so shortly after the orange moon rose above the bay we said our good nights and headed home. I saw Beth had sent me the outline for the Spiritual Seasons class so I whipped up the event quickly and got it posted.
Sunday was a beautiful sunny day a tad windy and a tad cool but the sun was warming. I was so excited that it was yoga day and I sent a reminder out hoping that many would come.But first I had a few errands....while out I saw a flash drive on sale really cheap and spirit told me it was time to quit hoping my ex business partner would return mine. It made me sad though, not spending the $10 but the giving up on him doing the right thing for the sake of our friendship. He does have a hoarding problem though, just as bad as those people you see on TV! My spiritual advisor said that it gives him a sense of control over me to keep it, even having mutual friends ask for it did no good, he claimed it had joint files on it and he ignored my pleas to just delete any of the stone business files as I wanted nothing we had done together. It makes God weep how we put things before people when really people are the only things real enough for us to carry on to the next lives... Spirit also told me to stop by the flea market in town so I did and was pleased to find a man selling used fishing poles! Jeremy's new buddy promised to teach him to fish if he got one and since he had helped me so much the night before with the picnic I felt he deserved a gift. I left them by the basement door and headed out to yoga...but not before stopping to check my morning glories that we dying and drying up. I did notice though that seed pods had formed where the flowers had died so I plucked some and planted then in other ares so I would have even more flowers next year!
No one came to Yoga but Nancy and myself, she never sweats it with me regarding who comes or does not come she says she likes to spend time with me and that is rare for her to find someone she likes to hang out with. She also likes helping me physically and we did the yoga for a good while and talked. I shared with her some of the stuff on my mind regarding Kaballa stuff from the night before and I told her I think I have been doing this wrong. Sure I want to help people, always have and always will, but lately due to my lack I have been more concerned with who comes so that I make a few bucks. I need to stop doing this and truly follow a path of total service and trust in the universe to supply my needs. Yes yes she said I know what you mean she told me. I just like to share this yoga with people and even if you are the only one each week I will come so that I can help you. She also gave me some homework and that is change the desk chair I have, cut back on my salt (2 shakes only) and to ride my bike at least 4 times a week. She said Cassie it's time for you to let go of that fat around you that you keep to protect you, you don't need it anymore. She also asked me what is my deep sadness and I said that I have never felt loved or taken care of and I feel so bad that I do not have a husband. Again we talked about the loving myself first things and she said I must love myself by taking care of my body and being healthy so I promised to do my best to do the homework.
After Yoga I was going to ride my bike but I remembered that I had one more errand to run, I had gotten a vacum off free cycle and it needed a bag and so far no store had them. I wanted to go to Sears and try there so I went. I saw Randy's truck in the lot but I didn't feel too bad about not being with him when I drove past it and saw "her" monkey hanging from the handle, the constant reminder that that passenger seat in his truck does not belong to me. I did not find the bag at Sears so I headed towards home and realized I hadn't eaten since breakfast so I decided to go to The Fishery and get a lobster sandwich and eat in the parking lot facing the bay and watching the fishermen and boats. As I sat there and ate I thought again how much I love this town and its atmosphere and I was glad that I got to move here. After I ate I got out and took a walk to make up for the missed bike ride and took a couple of pictures. I was particularly interested in the one of the dock when I saw how low the water level was and I saw how the dock floats up and down according to the water level and the stairs are on wheels so they adjust to the water level as well. Pretty neat design actually and I thought about how we must adjust with just the same ease to whatever is lacking in our life weather it be money or love or anything else. We need to be able to survive the dry times too.....
I headed home and sat down to my computer and the stuff I needed to do online. I thought to myself that it's good I hadn't contacted Randy to hang out but then something had me check my phone and I saw that while I was eating my dinner alone at the dock and at the time he was getting off work and gone home to walk "her" dog he texted me asking had I been at Sears today. Yup I replied and explained why and said you know this is my Sears too now...... he told me that the Dollar store had them...........the one by Home Depot I said.......Yup, what size do you need? I replied with the size wondering if wow is he there and is he going to pick me up some?? He never got back to me though, "wife and or kids" probably came home....typical....he's there then he dries up faster than a rain drop on the dessert floor.......and that's pretty much how my love for him is these days, all dried up, practically non-existent. He wasted every single drop that I ever gave him.....
Are you feeling a little dried up and empty these days? Low on cash? Low on love? Running out of steam? Well sometimes that's a very bad thing but sometimes it can also be a good thing. One of the reasons Nancy said I need to cut back on salt is because my cells should not have too much water in them, she says that it slows down the natural body cycles and it also causes high blood pressure. So I am saying to you now to not look at a time of drying up as a negative, sometimes you need to drain the field in order to allow for the new growth that will come..............
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
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