2-13-12 Infinite Love

 Only the soul knows what Infinite LOVE is.
Rumi ♥

2-13-12 Infinite Love

So Friday late morning just after I got the last blog up my phone rang and it was Randy. He said can ya talk I got a story to tell ya, I said I can work and listen so he proceeded with his tale. He had decided to save the money and drive up to meet the guy for the trip up to Vermont this morning. When he arrived the guy criticized the age of his sled, the brokenness of his trailer, the messiness of his truck, the age of this truck, the old jacket he had and went on and on and said he can't make it on the Maine trip with old broken down stuff like that. Now I know what Randy has and I generally *think* the same thing but I don't say so, he's content with what he's got so be it. Randy said this guy is a real prick, a Virgo, I should have known. I reminded him that I am a Virgo and this is why he and I didn't get along.... Anyway long story short he got in his own truck and was driving up there alone and he said maybe he better just go to Vermont with me next weekend and not go to Maine with those guys. I felt bad that once again he found another friend who ended up not wanting to play with him due to the shabbiness of his clothes and toys, it was like re-living his painful childhood all over again. I wished that I had money to buy him all new stuff...... SMACK! stop it Cassie, it is NOT your job to mother the whole world I reminded myself. He called a second time in the afternoon wanting to ditch the guy all together and go to a different hotel and now answer his phone. I told him that would be mean, he says well the guy acts like he's 13! I had to stifle a giggle, and said well you act like you are 12 and you know it so you two boys need to stop picking at each other and get along. You tell me ALL the time how sad you are that you have no one to ride with, that you are all alone, well not being alone is about having a relationship and that means compromise.........try it...he grumbled but said ok.

I worked through the day and got a lot of work done, however I was still behind. So behind that I had bad dreams that night that my boss wished I was faster. I know he's happy with me, and I know that I give 200%, I gotta find a way to let go of this so it doesn't haunt me. It's just so hard though I am one of those people who has a deep sense of responsibility to get the job done at all costs. But I did turn my computer off at the end of the day and not work late, if I am still level 1 and can't get promoted I have to use the rest of my hours to earn extra money.. I planned to spend my evening working on my blog #1 edits so that I can self publish it but first I had a yearning for shrimp so I headed out to the store for some, my gut steered me right to a store that had my favorite on sale. I called Randy one more time to check on him since he had been so upset, he was at the hotel and he did end up sharing with that guy, he didn't want to talk long, said he'd call later and I said no need have fun....

Saturday I met my friend at the Garden State Home show, she wants to remodel her house and wanted some ideas and I was bored so I went to keep her company. LOL After we went for Pizza and to see a move and then for coffee and dessert! What a long day, I had also went to the gym earlier. It was good though we did a lot of talking about the men and relationships in our lives. She told me though that she thinks I am mean to Randy, she reads my blog and she said that when he came to bring me the fish pills it was nice of him and I had to go and say I wish I had a boyfriend, reminding him that it is NOT him. Course she said, I don't see how you put up with things the way they are and I told her he is a FRIEND now. She said I was only fooling myself on that point that I love him and he loves me. She said that I need to give him an ultimatum, I explained to her why that would never work with him. She said that I need to either walk away completely or I need to accept him exactly the way he is. She said this idea of your mate being your best friend and doing so many things together is nice, and it does exist, but its very rare and she said having separate hobbies is not the worst thing in the world. I told her all the things that Mary has told me about him and how our relationship would be if I choose him, how he would grow in time if I were by his side and she said that didn't sound too bad. I told her though most of all I want just two things from a man, all the rest I have myself. A good sex life and a house. LOL  I came home and I texted him, are you still alive I asked, I had texted him about lunch time and he didn't reply which is typical when he's playing, yup was all he said. An hour later, nervous he was having fun and possibly going to blow me off for the following weekend I sent: you ignored my text earlier, i get a one word reply now is it safe to assume i am not going with you next weekend? I got a one word reply- not to which he got a one word reply - FINE..... then he sent- you be ready. I really should know better by now than communicate with him via text......

Sunday my angel card of the day was: Divine Timing  and the quote that popped in my news feed was: You that turn stones to gold, change me. Rumi ♥ and then my friend posted this:

 so the powers that be were working on me again, pointing me to him again and I knew it. It's true, I have the god given power to turn my SpiritStones to something wonderful, being with me, the example I set he would follow, its not like he's an uncaring jerk it's just he's never had a good example to follow. And it's true that the many reasons that I get upset with him is that he doesn't meet some perceived NEED that I have, some requirement, like the application to be my mate is like submitting a resume and unless you have the keywords you get tossed.Yes he's still in the friend zone but I really am going to work more on unconditional loving and accepting of him just the way he is. My needs are not his responsibility, nor anyone else's.........they are God's and he will meet them as he sees fit.....because he loves me and I must trust more in THAT Love.

Today, instead of running and searching to find that elusive perfect love, or whatever love you feel you lack that is possibly making you sad for Valentines Day tomorrow   I want you to remember to love the people that you have in your life NOW. Let go of your ego's longings and love unconditionally, and that means yourself as well. Love yourself before you loose those extra pounds, or get that promotion or stop that nasty habit and love the people in your life even if they don't show up every time that you feel you need them there or if they snore or if they want pizza and you want hot dogs for dinner. Stop it already and just LOVE who and what shows up, just the way they show up. Then and only then will you have love the NEVER leaves, then you will know the real meaning of infinite love...........

With Love and in the Light,  Cassie

When ego disappears,
Unconditional Love appears.