To love life means to embrace change. No change, no life. All things are passing away. All things are becoming. To truly live is to go with the divine flow, resting always in the present moment of now....
By: Live Laugh Love
11-18-11 Embrace Change
Monday evening all I did was lay around in pain, and feeling the blood whooshing in my ears, a sign of iron deficiency one mid-wife had told me. I did go to the dollar store to get some but they were out. I took some extra Tylenol while I waited for 10pm to come so that I could take the next dose of the pain killer the doctor had prescribed to me. I was miserable and of course what makes me most miserable when there's something wrong with me is that I have no husband to look out for me when I feel bad. MY mother never did a good job of that either, only my grandma... I did call a couple of friends while I was laying there with my feet up and that helped. They asked me if I was going to tell Randy and I said only if he calls or texts to check in, which he won't for days and I know him he wouldn't come help me anyway. Mary said that this is going to be a part of my inner healing and cleansing, finishing up clearing my pain so that I can welcome in a partner. I guess it's time to let go of the pain of yearning for comfort from someone here on earth and trust fully ONLY in God for that.....of course humans have always let me down, they are selfish that way but God never is.....
Tuesday still in agony and I find out my back up at work has done nothing of my work flow while I was out because she was on another project and also couldn't help all week . Oh and on top of that SHE also is going to have surgery coming up. I told my boss I'd put mine off so she can get hers done but regretted saying that. I just plowed through and did as much work as I could and made Jeremy do all the getting ready the house ready for the Soul Mate workshop I would have that night. I calculated a nap time between work and workshop time so I figured I'd be OK. I noticed Randy drive past my house about 3pm.....moron I muttered to myself, see he misses me but he wont fix this......my little voice reminded me that I drive past his street corner on my way home and said see how much you two are drawn to one another? So what I thought back to my inner voice, so what..... I was glad that I was doing the soul-mate workshop that night, even though I had made my vision board a year ago, I never got a chance to do the rituals so tonight not only was I going to be the teacher I was also a client too just like the president of hair club for men! hahaha Anyway.......
The workshop went amazingly well! I couldn't be more pleased. One woman arrived early all stressed over the drive and the traffic and I got to talk to her and clam her down before the others came. I got 6 people, at $25 each, spent maybe $15 on snacks and supplies ... that's $67 and hour not too shabby---- and they listened to me they really really listened, and I had a good answer for every question they asked and I made 4 out of 6 cry! And that's the good kind of healing is going on here when people are crying. Oh and two of them who came were guys too, one of which cried! I filled the whole time and had to cut a few things short, next time I am going to do a Saturday afternoon I think. They loved my vision board and ooohhed and awwed at it and I gave them each a blank poster board to take home with them to get started on thier own vision boards. As they headed out the door , poster boards in hand, I hugged each one and wished them success in their dream. I know for some they will meet someone in a relatively short time, others it will take much longer, but I do know that each and every one WILL succeed simply because the desire is there.........I know the same of myself.....step by step I will reach my goal.....
Wednesday I worked from home and got a bit caught up from where I am so behind at the office. In a conference call to my group though I told them I need 1-2 hrs a day assistance with this added work we have. My boss says he's working on it and I will be training someone else to help me too. He also told me to not put off my surgery any longer. He is a good boss, and this is a good company I am very grateful. In the evening my neighbor came for a visit, we had not connected in such a long time and I told he we gotta fix that. We talked for hours and it was getting late so we made a promise to meet and walk the following night and every nigh that we can. She told me that I should keep trying to call my mortgage company and NOT call the insurance company till I knew what they wanted me to do. I did call again the next day and this time got an e-mail address to write to, at least now I will have evidence that I contacted them about the theft.
Thursday Joe posted the movie info for saturday night so I bought my ticket and posted to my singles group as well. Like I told him I can't think of any better place I'd rather spend my saturday night! My only gripe is the cost of the tickets as he chooses the nice theater and it costs twice what it does for me to grab a quick matinee, I am going to ask him if we can alternate because I know money is an issue for other group members as well. My other concern of the day was my son Jeremy, he had posted something sad on facebook and this confirmed to me the depression I knew he was in again. Dear God how cruel to him that he found a friend only to have him rob us! I prayed for a new friend to come for him but my little voice said: he has to ask himself, and I knew that was true. I talked to him about it that night and told him he has to ask for himself. Then I went to get ready to go for a walk and got out my casual purse and noticed $40 missing, when I confronted Jeremy he confessed that he had borrowed it. So I sat him down laid down the law again, with out yelling, and he said ok, with out fighting and drama. The two of us have come a long way, this time last year such an encounter would have been fighing and yelling and slamming of doors....I know getting out of that old house is a big part of the changes we have made...still I went back to locking my purse up again...:(
Speaking of the house I got a letter from my insurance company stating that they were dropping my coverage effective 12-16-11, I also heard from the mortgage company via e-mail at last saying yes file a claim for the theft. So I got up an hour early friday and started working and had time to call and get that underway. There had been a check from the insurance company in the amount of $451 that I cashed and plan to use for a few Christmas gifts and my drive to Ohio. I also got a letter from my mortgage company stating that they have a $3,300 surplus of escro monies but instead of sending me that like they normally would have they kept it. Cest La Vie. I really feel like I am going through the final steps of not owning that house anymore. Let them foreclose if they wish I don't care.....I surrender. I wanted to own a house of my own with a view of the bay and lots of rooms for people to live with me that I can help but I surrender that dream and embrace the change of my life. I AM so much better off down here, and so is my son. Had I let go when I got that first offer I would have had money but fear of change drug it out. I am going to embrace change sooner next time so that it doesnt cost me so much!
Today I want to remind you to relax and embrace the changes in your own lives, to walk gracefully each step of the way, to live each day and love it and worry not for it all leads us to the same place and everything will be fine.......lovely days are going to be there......
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
Lovely days don't come to you,
you should walk to them...
Rumi ♥
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