11-28-11 Barriers to Love

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

11-28-11  Barriers to Love

Friday evening I headed down to Red Bank to meet up with Joe's group and also Bob was hosting for another meetup group for the tree lighting ceremony and concert. It was a lovely night and we all had a great time. I went from group to group and also spent a good bit of time alone too. I am just like that anymore, can only take so much people interaction. I did slip into a spiritual store too and got some frankincense and myrrh incense for the holidays and I also got a new stone, one that is supposed to help me with my psychic abilities. I was still shaken about being so wrong about Randy and thinking his "family" wasn't taking him with them for Thanksgiving. I hate being so off when I was so certain, truth means so much to me... But anyway I didn't stay late and headed towards home, by 9pm I was sitting at the Keyport waterfront in my car, eating a slice and thinking I wished I had someone there with me and thinking Randy must be home with the family by then... I sat awhile and looked at the NYC lights across the bay then headed home.

Saturday I got up and planned out my day and texted Randy to see if he could come over that night. His reply was that Sunday would be better so I replied see you then and left it be. I had to go get my new cat and I had a new roommate moving in that evening.... I went to get my cat from Pam, he tolerated being held by me without putting up too much of a fuss and he didn't cry in carrier on the ride home. I held him and I carried him around all over and showed him where his food is and his litter box and held him till he stopped being scarred and started purring. The he wanted down and went to explore and ran and hid, the kids tried to coax him out later and got him all upset we looked and looked for him and then I noticed the open basement window! I looked everywhere, I went to the store to buy wet food, I was totally panicked by the time Randy replied to the photo I had sent him of me taking the car carrier out of the car. He tried to comfort me but it got me all upset thinking about old pets that I had lost, and missing his cat Skooter who used to sleep with me. I told him I just wanted a new cat to sleep with me, no one wants to sleep with me and I went on and on. Then Pam texted to see how we were doing and I felt even worse! Then right in the middle of all that my new roomate came to pay the rent and get his key.I did take some time away to talk to him a bit, he's been through the ringer so I had a good feeling that this was good that he come stay with me awhile while he gets his bearings. He told he he "saw a glow" about my place and we got to talking of spiritual topics. Turns out he is very gifted but hides it due to ridicule, told me he can "read" a person easily so I asked him to read me. He said that I am very giving, often too giving, that I have been hurt and dissapointed a great deal in my life, more than most and that I yearn for love but I have way too many barriers up to let anyone in. WOW was all I could say to that.

 Randy came over when he got off work and helped us look for the cat, no such luck but he sat and told not to worry and told me many tales of how his new cats hid for weeks before coming out and getting used to him. I told him of my fears that the cat went out the window and he said no no he senses he is here just be patient. He stayed with me a good while and we cuddled and talked and it was very nice and I thanked him for coming on a night he hadn't wanted to. Everything was going good till he brought up Thanksgiving again and how much he ate and said his Mom had been over to his house for dinner. I said oh you stayed at your house? Yup he said and the food was so good.. SHE cooked I asked? and then he mumbled something about having ordered a pre-cooked meal from Shop Rite. Then I had to ask, does your Mom like her, does she hang out and talk to her like she did me? She don't say nothing about her he said, knowing Mom that means she don't like her. I must confess I liked that a little bit.... There was one other thing though that happend, while he was there someone started knocking on the door rather forcefully and he got worried one of his "kids" had driven by and saw his truck, turns out one of my roommates had ordered pizza. He sure got worried which was itself annoying but also annoying that he does park in the driveway now he told me the kids drive past my house often...pretty irresponsible if ya ask me. Course he's afraid of them, not me....

Sunday I had a ton of chores to do and then Yoga. I was not as bendy and seemed to fall backwards from the progress I had made with the class and it was upsetting. This fat of mine is just so in the way of everything I want to do. Nancy said not to worry that I had been really sick and that was expected and don't think I went backwards that my muscles would remember what I had done before and get back to it quickly. In the evening Randy came after work again. It was nice to see him two days in a row like that. The cat had still not come out of hiding yet though..... We talked of many things and when he got on the topic of his "kid" I realized how that he is never going to leave, he can't hold a job and all this talk of joining the service sounds to me like just talk, nothing concrete has been done. But as Randy talked more and more of how much fun they have playing I just got sadder and sadder and pulled away even more. He could tell too and asked if I was mad but said no. Then he got on the topic of his finances and his future and what he wants to do. This time the plan he brought up was one that I could never mesh my future plans with and told him so. He said well that's only ONE of the scenarios I am considering and besides I could be with you on weekends he said. We also talked about his health and how while watching a TV show with her they saw a man who had an accident and was in a wheelchair and she said if that happens to you I am out of here. He told me that hurt him quite a bit but he knows its the truth, he then reflected on how well I took care of him when his back when out. I said yeah see they are going to use you for all the best years then when you get hurt and broken that's when I will get ya.

We talked some of what my roommate had said about my barriers to a relationship and also about how he was the only one I had ever let in. He told me he thinks I am crazy because I keep fighting with him and dumping him and wanting him back again. I said well quit coming back then! But I want to come back he said I like you... Then he told me that I need to quit thinking that the universe has any plan for me and to make my own plan, that I wasted too much time waiting for all these predictions to come true and I should just do it. I realized he was right and told him so and that I would think about it more. As he was leaving he told me that he'd go home, get the dog and walk it and call me then. I said no don't bother, he said you don't want me to call? Nah I said, all I had in my mind was he'd be walking her dog why would I want to talk to him and I had e-mail to answer....it wasn't till I was falling asleep that I realized I had just pushed him away a little AGAIN. Guess I am not much better than my new cat who needs and wants love and affection but I run and hide from it.... I gotta work on this some more......

Today I want you to work on the barriers in your own lives. I don't care how healthy you are you must have some, and some of us way more than others, and some of us way bigger than others..... Why put up things to block the very essence of life? Love! As we move towards the holidays, and when we are going to be encountering so many family members, the ones who probably got you started on all this barrier building in the first place, why don't you just ask for healing in these areas? Love is the greatest gift there is, how about giving some to yourself by taking down some of that barbed wire you put around your heart?



With Love and in the Light, Cassie

11-25-11 The Door of The Heart

Why are you knocking at every door ?
Go, knock at the door of your own heart.
Rumi ♥

11-25-11  The Door of The Heart

So Monday I wrote to Pam who had posted a photo the week before of a Ferrel cat she was in the process of taming. I had posted that I wanted a kitty cat and she said I could have that one. My reply was that I could not afford vet bills now. But I had discussed the cat with Randy the night before, mostly because the cat looked so much like his Skooter who had died, and he said I can get everything done for under $100 down here so I decided it was well worth some sacrifices. I really miss Skooter too, he's really the only pet I have let myself get attached to in a very very long time. Growing up I had many pets. dogs, cats, rabbits, cows etc. But some of them it was quite traumatic how I lost them. Other stories for another day.... but anyway I asked him would he mind if I got a cat just like Skooter and he said no, actually that would be really  cool, so I wrote to her. She said I can have him but she was worried as he is a wild cat but I told her of all the wild ones I had taken in over the years back on the farm so we agreed to make plans later in the week to do the transfer.

When I got home from work I went to work out at the gym and got to thinking about Randy's "kid" training and wanting to get into the Navy Seals and recalled how he told me they would train for hours and then go home and drink till 3am Having a son in the military I knew this was not gonna fly so I texted Randy and cautioned him about this, telling him he should set the example of the person he was at that age, a hard worker, a healthy eater etc. I figured instead of fighting this situation I should try and help. He texted me back to tell me that the kid got fired, for not showing up for work or showing up late all the time. I gave him some comfort and coaching on parenting, told him I know its hard but in my heart all I could think of was great, he's not leaving any time soon. As a matter of fact probably NONE of them are leaving anytime soon, and why should they? They live in a house practically free, they don't have to clean it or mow the yard or do any chores, and they don't have to worry if they loose a job as Randy's there to pay for booze and smokes too. Yup that little dream we started to build for our future got blow down as if  it were made of toothpicks and elmers glue and a hurricane came through! Oh well......I have faith.....besides I want a house with a Bay view and an A-frame cabin on a lake and Randy says he will never buy those, he'd rather live cheap, retire early and have more play time. We all gotta make our own way...

Tuesday my friend Beth posted that she had been feeling a lot of uneasiness with the energy shifts and had wondered if anyone else did too. Of course many did and I just told them no but i have had a feeling of happiness and well being no matter what "bad" thing is going on or worry that may try to creep in

I just don't care, none of this seems to matter its like I am in a reality TV show that's not going good but I know they are coming with new scripts sooner or later that's going to have a better ending. Writing that down to share made me acknowledge it to myself. Later that day I was driving home, the rain was falling, it was getting dark at only 4pm. My friend had cancelled going walking and I was looking forward to one night of not having to go out anywhere, but feeling a bit lonely that I had no one to go home to other than my son who doen't talk to me much. As I passed through where Randy's work is I realized I most likely would not pass him on 35 since the traffice was so bad, for a moment I felt sad and wished I was going to see him and a few moments later I did! It was at the busiest intersection of all the major routes, we got there at the same time him gettting off and me gettting on. I texted him when I stopped for gas to tell him and he replied Wow you are good! It makes me happy though to pass him each day crazy as that seems...

Wednesday I was working from home trying to get a bunch of stuff wrapped up for work, I am a little less behind everyday but still annoyed no one could pick up the slack for me when I was sick. I sent out a quick Thanksgiving message to my groups also and was thinking of how greatful I am to have a place to go for dinner the next day. Then for some reason late morning  I got to thinking about Randy and I had this big urge to send him a message and tell him that I love him. I didn't do it though so stop rolling your eyes out there! LOL I did tell him however that I was thinking about him when he answered an e-mail I had sent him a few days before he wrote how nice I am thinking about you too. I don't know where this came from, I thought I had that love locked up safe inside me where it can't hurt me anymore, but there it was. Probably was the holidays I thought. But I did make a big post of lobster bisque in the crock pot and I put  a container of it, a fresh biscut, and some fresh cookies in  bag and texted him to come pick them up on his way home from work. I am a loving person and there's no reason for me to not show that love when I feel it, hoarding it and hiding it and dolling it out in rations like a punishment and rewards system serves no one, most of not me. Loving some can't hurt me, only if expectations are attached to that love.

Thursday was Thanksgiving and tons of messages were rolling in from my friends and relatives. That felt nice to trade that back and forth and Dustin even called me! In the afternoon Jeremy and I headed over to my friend Tina's house, she had graciously invited us and cooked a 5 course meal for 8! I gotta say the food was phenomenal and all home made. During dinner we got word that one of the meetup guys had died of a heart attack, he was our age and had been out at the event the night before. Really made us think a bit and apreciate one another and how short life really is. Later when we went to say goodnight I told Tina this was the best Thanksgiving Dinner ever... it warmed my heart see how happy that made her to hear that and we hugged. I thought on the way home how Jeremy had told Dustin we got invited to someone's house for dinner and that was our tradition. Its true too, someone always invites us to dinner and what lovely times we have had over the years. I also thought of Randy and wondered if the "family" who lives there took him with them to dinner, when I saw he had e-mailed me at 3:30 and had been texting with me at 11am I wondered even more...

Black Friday morning I got up and was getting ready to head to the gym, my voice was nagging me again to text Randy and see if he wanted me to bring him breakfast, he had told me he had to work all day starting at 5am then come home and go to the UPS job from 5-9. I finally gave in and texted to ask if he wanted anything, he didnt reply right away but I had to stop at K-mart to return something and he replied just as I walked out that a #4 from McDonalds would be good. I got the food and texted to ask where he wanted me to meet him. When he said he'd meet me out his truck I felt a little stab of the knife, recalling the he didn't want anyone there to see him and I together. He was greatful though for the food and offered to pay me but I said no that's my black friday gift to you. The he went on to tell me how much turkery he ate and pies and such and how awesome his Thanksgiving was. Yep the knife was shoved in as deep as it would go and then he had to go and twist it by reminding me of "them". Just like my Grandma always said, no good deed goes unpunished. But he of course hadn't done it maliciously, he's never been one to think about how what he's about to say could hurt someone else. And I must say that instead of wrenching pain it was only a mild sting. I am healing, and most importantly I had acted in love regardless of how it would pan out for me, and I felt good for having done it!

Today I want you to go into the doors of your heart and open them up wide and let out that ocean of  love full force! Do not hold it in reserve, or fear giving it away that it may hurt you to love. For I have learned that when you love someone they may not return that love, or react the way you feel they should, or they may leave you alone or die too early and seldom do they love you in the way that you deserve but still..... love them anyway...... The door to you heart should always be open wide!


With Love and in the Light, Cassie

11-21-11 Smoke and Mirrors

 You have no idea how hard I've looked
for a gift to bring You.
Nothing seemed right.
What's the point of bringing gold to
the gold mine, or water to the ocean.
Everything I came up with was like
taking spices to the Orient.
It's no good giving my heart and my
soul because you already have these.
So I've brought you a mirror.
Look at yourself and remember me. Rumi ♥

11-21-11  Smoke and Mirrors

So Friday's blog was about embracing change, I had been teaching my son about what he wants he just has to ask for and BOOM. more change and I think he made it happen! LOL He had woken up complaining about how the downstairs roommate goes in his sectioned "room" in the basement and turns off his TV at night no matter how very low the volume is. Next thing I know the roommate comes up, says he's moving out he got a place closer to school and he was gone. There goes my Christmas money if I don't get someone fast I thought for a second then thought no no I WILL find someone right away........and put an ad up on Craigslist. After work I went and got my neighbor and we went for a walk down by the water front-- 4 laps we made in 40 minutes I think, that is our benchmark....

Saturday I woke up and planned my day: gym, home depot, bake cookies, wrap gifts, then in the evening I was going to the movies with Joe's singles group and I posted it to my group also. Jeremy got up very early and told me he hadn't slept much, I told him to go with the energy flow of his body that I too wasn't sleeping much but I had energy anyway and he said he did too. So I texted Randy to ask him to drop off the ladder he said we could borrow, thinking it a good day for Jeremy to put the outdoor lights up since it was so nice out. He didn't end up answering me for awhile and then he said he would be late for work if he brought it but he'd bring it that night, I replied that was OK supposed to be nice out Sunday also. At the time I was at Sears returning an item and on my way to the gym, I saw his truck so I texted to him that I saw it........ I then went and worked out for 45 minutes and when I got back to my phone he had replied saying: are you stalking me? When that got no reply he sent another 10 min later saying awww do you miss me? To the first one I replied: not stalking this is my Sears too, were you stalking when you drove by my house Tuesday? To the second one I replied: I have learned to not miss you, I am not into self abuse anymore. His only reply was next time I drive by I will blow the horn. Later in the day I did end up baking some peanut butter kiss cookies for the jewelry party the next day so I texted him to tell him I had a box of them waiting when he dropped off the ladder. My favorite was his reply.... I did my chores took my shower and was getting ready to go out so I texted him to tell him where I was leaving the cookies for him and maybe I'd see him tomorrow but I was going to a singles event tonight...........sure was his reply.

Later at the event though, I was standing around with my friends and Randy sent a text. Are you having fun on your date? It's not a date it's a singles event I sent back, angry at him for doubting what I had told him earluer about where I would be.....Lucky you he sent....I ignored it so then he asked were there any hot guys there..... I stood there and bitched about him some to one of my guy friends, then I realized how stupid a move that was, how was I going to get dates if I keep telling the single guys I am seeing an ex? Course it was nice when my guy friend told me he agreed how wrong it was that Randy was only going to give me 20 minutes of his time and go drinking with a buddy. So wanting to end the conversation, and feeling that he deserved to be home alone worrying about who I was meeting at a singles event I said yes there are several hot guys, (in truth there were 2 or 3 I think are cute, one I like especially). Randy  texted good maybe you can get one of them and do some pokey in the parking lot........grrrrr.......by then it was time for the movie to start so I sent back: no parking lots, these guys don't have a "wife" at home so if we want to do it they will invite me back to their house. That shut him up...... Later when I arrived home I saw the ladder was there but he hadn't taken his cookies....I was going to write or text to tell him that but decided to wait and not let him know I was home by 10pm and alone...

Sunday morning I got up early and my neighbor and I went for a walk down by the waterfront. I told her the latest Randy chronicles and you know what she told me? That I need to stop texting him back with these barbs of mine, that its mean what I say to him and just because he hurts me don't make it right for me to hurt him back. She said this way the two of you treat each other isn't good and it needs to stop and sad to say you are the mature one here and YOU need to make it stop. Sadly I knew that she was right.........she said that if I want to say something nasty to write it down but do not send it and to him and after awhile look at all of them and see how mean they really are (she reads this blog she knows what I say) so I agreed and we also discussed some  better replies to what went on recently so that's what I am going to practice. I told her that I know that I am in a period of growth to be a better person and to heal and stuff and the reason for the blog is to show others who come after me how I changed myself. So this will be a lesson, for me and for those of you who will read my words after. The point here is not to make Randy a better person or to get what I want here but for me to learn to BE nicer and to not react when I am in those moments of hurt and pain.....how can I attract love to my life when I am not reacting with total love and I am letting my hurt and my anger drive me? I vowed to work on this....

Jeremy and I spent Sunday doing chores and putting up the outside lights while we had the ladder. I texted Randy and told him I would be home if he wanted to come spend time with me when he got off work.....he ended up coming and we had a lovely time together. I tried to talk to him about how he had upset me the Friday before but he still doesn't get it, he still thinks its the right thing to do for him to put the kid first and said if Dustin came home it would be the same way and besides he said I was trying to squeeze you both in. I told him its not the same but decided to not go on anymore. I am tired of having the same fight with him,  he will never get it,  in his mind  he never knows when the guys will want to play and he cant ever pass up a chance......this is how he always was and always will be. I told him how snotty he's gotten too and his reply was that in the past he never fought back or stood up for himself but now he's learning to. He said I was mean to him last Friday so he was a smart alec back. I thought about it some and a part of me was glad he's learning to stand up for himself, he always was passive aggressive IE just not showing up, but in reality I feel, have always felt, that staying there and battling things out is healthier in the long run. I told him though that it wasn't nice of him to text and bother me when I was out Saturday night and he said I just wanted to see if you'd answer me, if you didn't then I know you like them better, and then he grinned and said but you answered me....... little shit I could smack him.....

Also we did talk about perhaps me going with him on a Vermont trip or two and how that would work out if I did. Seemed dooable... And also going to Work Out World some Sundays so he can coach me some.. He also told me how bad he feels when I am not seeing him and how great he feels for days after when I do see him, how he goes around grinning at work for days.... I told him I missed my spot in his bed and he said I can have it back. No I can't someone's in it I said but he said things are changing.  I walked him out to his truck as he wanted me to see how clean it was inside in the back, I went to look and he had her monkey hanging on the back seat handle, I was icking out and walking away and he said but I moved it from the front seat so it wouldnt bother ya! Its still not gone though I said.......but he again said things were changing and he was getting tired of keeping up all the smoke and mirrors routine to make what he had look like something that it really is not, never was and never would be. That's on you buddy I told him and said goodnight.........

Today  look closely at the mirrors of your life, those are the people that you interact with, the relationships that you have.  What kind of reactions are you getting and what hand did you have in creating them?  Be sure and blow away all the smoke and look clearly............ the clearer you see the more oneness you can find .....


With Love and in the Light, Cassie

11-18-11 Embrace Change

To love life means to embrace change. No change, no life. All things are passing away. All things are becoming. To truly live is to go with the divine flow, resting always in the present moment of now....

By: Live Laugh Love

11-18-11   Embrace Change

Monday evening all I did was lay around in pain, and feeling the blood whooshing in my ears, a sign of iron deficiency one mid-wife had told me. I did go to the dollar store to get some but they were out. I took some extra Tylenol while I waited for 10pm to come so that I could take the next dose of the pain killer the doctor had prescribed to me. I was miserable and of course what makes me most miserable when there's something wrong with me is that I have no husband to look out for me when I feel bad. MY mother never did a good job of that either, only my grandma... I did call a couple of friends while I was laying there with my feet up and that helped. They asked me if I was going to tell Randy and I said only if he calls or texts to check in, which he won't for days and I know him he wouldn't come help me anyway. Mary said that this is going to be a part of my inner healing and cleansing, finishing up clearing my pain so that I can welcome in a partner. I guess it's time to let go of the pain of yearning for comfort from someone here on earth and trust fully ONLY in God for that.....of course humans have always let me down, they are selfish that way but God never is.....

Tuesday still in agony and I find out my back up at work has done nothing of my work flow while I was out because she was on another project and also couldn't help all week . Oh and on top of that SHE also is going to have surgery coming up. I told my boss I'd put mine off so she can get hers done but regretted saying that. I just plowed through and did as much work as I could and made Jeremy do all the getting ready the house ready for the Soul Mate workshop I would have that night. I calculated a nap time between work and workshop time so I figured I'd be OK. I noticed Randy drive past my house about 3pm.....moron I muttered to myself, see he misses me but he wont fix this......my little voice reminded me that I drive past his street corner on my way home and said see how much you two are drawn to one another? So what I thought back to my inner voice, so what..... I was glad that I was doing the soul-mate workshop that night, even though I had made my vision board a year ago, I never got a chance to do the rituals so tonight not only was I going to be the teacher I was also a client too just like the president of hair club for men! hahaha Anyway.......

The workshop went amazingly well! I couldn't be more pleased. One woman arrived early all stressed over the drive and the traffic and I got to talk to her and clam her down before the others came. I got 6 people, at $25 each, spent maybe $15 on snacks and supplies ... that's $67 and hour not too shabby---- and they listened to me they really really listened, and I had a good answer for every question they asked and I made 4 out of 6 cry! And that's the good kind of healing is going on here when people are crying. Oh and two of them who came were guys too, one of which cried! I filled the whole time and had to cut a few things short, next time I am going to do a Saturday afternoon I think. They loved my vision board and ooohhed and awwed at it and I gave them each a blank poster board to take home with them to get started on thier own vision boards. As they headed out the door , poster boards in hand, I hugged each one and wished them success in their dream. I know for some they will meet someone in a relatively short time, others it will take much longer, but I do know that each and every one WILL succeed simply because the desire is there.........I know the same of myself.....step by step I will reach my goal.....

Wednesday I worked from home and got a bit caught up from where I am so behind at the office. In a conference call to my group though I told them I need 1-2 hrs a day assistance with this added work we have. My boss says he's working on it and I will be training someone else to help me too. He also told me to not put off my surgery any longer. He is a good boss, and this is a good company I am very grateful. In the evening my neighbor came for a visit, we had not connected in such a long time and I told he we gotta fix that. We talked for hours and it was getting late so we made a promise to meet and walk the following night and every nigh that we can. She told me that I should keep trying to call my mortgage company and NOT call the insurance company till I knew what they wanted me to do. I did call again the next day and this time got an e-mail address to write to, at least now I will have evidence that I contacted them about the theft.

Thursday Joe posted the movie info for saturday night so I bought my ticket and posted to my singles group as well. Like I told him I can't think of any better place I'd rather spend my saturday night! My only gripe is the cost of the tickets as he chooses the nice theater and it costs twice what it does for me to grab a quick matinee, I am going to ask him if we can alternate because I know money is an issue for other group members as well. My other concern of the day was my son Jeremy, he had posted something sad on facebook and this confirmed to me the depression I knew he was in again. Dear God how cruel to him that he found a friend only to have him rob us! I prayed for a new friend to come for him but my little voice said: he has to ask himself, and I knew that was true. I talked to him about it that night and told him he has to ask for himself. Then I went to get ready to go for a walk and got out my casual purse and noticed $40 missing, when I confronted Jeremy he confessed that he had borrowed it. So I sat him down laid down the law again, with out yelling, and he said ok, with out fighting and drama. The two of us have come a long way, this time last year such an encounter would have been fighing and yelling and slamming of doors....I know getting out of that old house is a big part of the changes we have made...still I went back to locking my purse up again...:(

Speaking of the house I got a letter from my insurance company stating that they were dropping my coverage effective 12-16-11, I also heard from the mortgage company via e-mail at last saying yes file a claim for the theft. So I got up an hour early friday and started working and had time to call and get that underway. There had been a check from the insurance company in the amount of $451 that I cashed and plan to use for a few Christmas gifts and my drive to Ohio. I also got a letter from my mortgage company stating that they have a $3,300 surplus of escro monies but instead of sending me that like they normally would have they kept it. Cest La Vie. I really feel like I am going through the final steps of not owning that house anymore. Let them foreclose if they wish I don't care.....I surrender. I wanted to own a house of my own with a view of the bay and lots of rooms for people to live with me that I can help but I surrender that dream and embrace the change of my life. I AM so much better off down here, and so is my son. Had I let go when I got that first offer I would have had money but fear of change drug it out. I am going to embrace change sooner next time so that it doesnt cost me so much!

Today I want to remind you to relax and embrace the changes in your own lives, to walk gracefully each step of the way, to live each day and love it and worry not for it all leads us to the same place and everything will be fine.......lovely days are going to be there......




With Love and in the Light, Cassie


Lovely days don't come to you,
you should walk to them...
Rumi ♥

11-14-11 Value In The Ruined Places

Treasure is stored in the ruined places.
Do not break the hearts of the poor and heartbroken people.
Rumi ♥

11-14-11  Value In The Ruined Places

Saturday morning I woke up bright and early, actually I had woken up several times from 4am till I finally got up at 7am. As one roommate headed out for the day, another came home from his night job and then my son woke up and I thought about how all these people are counting on me. Worries of financial problems, issues my web mistress was having with my web hosting company, the sadness of the Randy situation. I prayed each time I had woken up for my guides to ease some of this suffering, to show me a glimpse of a happier future. The message each time the same: everything will be ok. I had read a bit of Syliva Brown's book, Temples on the Other Side before going to sleep the night before and I recalled her personal story, her troublesome marriages, her raising two sons alone, her near financial ruin....but she went on to become rich and famous AND help many people, she also found a husband in her later years. I hope I don't have to wait till I am in my 70's but again I must trust in the timing of the universe but I do recall he saying how maddening the simplicity of the answer she'd get when she cried for help in her darkest of hours, something short and sweet just like I got. And she was a psychic who got so many messages for so many others! I shrugged it off and I headed out to gym for my one free training session, then it was going to be Improv in the afternoon....no time to worry about my problems, take care of today and let tomorrow take care of itself I told myself....

I really enjoyed my training session at the gym, it was nice to have someone tell me what to do and to coach me as I did it and it was not that hard of a work out either, I could totally get into this I thought so when he suggested we go over the billing plans one more time I agreed....but still I could not afford it, no way no how not now. Bummer. I told him I had to rush out as I had to get to Improv, he was so into that said he was a theater major and I told him to join CC and he can come to the next one. I went to the car and checked my phone messages, some guy was up looking at my old house and wanted to know the price. He said he would look around and get back to me, even after I told him about all that was stolen from it! Maybe "they" were taking care of this after all... I then drove up and got to Improv actually early. I sent Randy a text asking if he had fun the night before....he said yes lots....I said was it worth hurting me and letting me down.......here we go again he replied....I dropped it and went to class. One woman came who said she knew me from a hike I did years ago and she did a good job, then we had another newbie and also Nikki and my old buddy Victor came too. I was glad to be able to get past the hurt and pain of our past issues, truth is we had just gotten too close but neither of us could be what the other needed and wanted....sometimes you just have to circle back later with a different path... We all liked improv and made some plans to do that again and we also got to talking about business networking and how everyone just has all these events and everyone just passes out cards trying to get everyone elses business! I told them all the story of pots of stew that is part of my founders message of Cassies-Co-Operative They all liked it very much and so we said maybe we will do a business service trade event someday....

Sunday I woke up and made a descion about Randy, I could not give him my whole evening by taking him to the gym and then bringing him home and basically let him get away with his callous behavior. Besides the gym was a potential place to meet someone and I didn't need people thinking I had a boyfriend. So I texted him to see if he was still coming and to bring his razor......his reply: I cant it would violate policy statute 105-b of the rules. (I had sent him an e-mail friday night that I forgot about, laying out some rules for our "relationship" so that I would get the respect I felt I deserved.) Not feeling like arguing I just said whatever.....now he may be an idiot most of the time but he does know when a woman says whatever that's not good....so he replied I have can't meet your 2 hr requirement....ok whatever i sent back.....I have to work till 8pm.......to which I replied and I then you have to take your son to the park I am sure.....that ended that. It was about that time that I started to cramp up and feel ill and my female problem came back.. When I got back to the computer my buddy Dave was IMing me, he got stuck working on a sunday so wanted to chat. He's another one with psychic abilities so I asked him am I destined to be single for the rest of my life? He said he can't see that right now because I won't let go of Randy but if I did I would have endless possibilities. I told him if someone asked me out I would go but no one good ever does. I asked him though was I wrong was I really wrong when I though that the powers that be wanted us to be together? That the whole universe almost was conspiring to make this happen? No you were right he said the guides did want it but what I wanted and needed superceded what he could give me. Wow now there was a truth......but then I asked did I want and need too much? My phone rang and it was Mary, how are you she asked me and I said awful and poured out both my medical problem and my heart problem..... She said its time I went to the doctor for this and as far as Randy goes well its time to realize that unless he gets a lot of therapy and does the work to heal himself he just isn't capable of being a good partner. I told her the hardest thing to accept was that he really did not understand why I was mad at him for wanting to spend time with the person he considers to be his kid when he had made plans with me, he thinks I am being selfish. She said he's a sad little boy living in a man's body and doesn't  see how odd it it is for him to keep wanting to hang with kids or that they only hang with him so he spends his money on them. Anyway I was in too much pain to worry about it too much and I slept most of the day.

Monday I contacted my boss, did a bit of work from home and was lucky enough to get a 10am doctor appointment. Surgery was his solution, but just a one day thing, my biggest worry was going to be how I was going to get a ride to and from the hospital. The scarier thing was what he told me of healthcare and what was going to happen to me in the future with Obamacare...... he said since I am overweight, have a history of high blood pressure, was a smoker etc...that when I am older my "metrics" will be bad and the panel that will decide if I can have a surgery or a procedure will most likely deny it. I had heard Mary tell me about these things but it didn't really hit home till then, mostly because I have no fear of dying, I want to die and go home as soon as I am allowed to go....however....what I do not want is to live a life of pain or limitation because I broke my hip but they wont replace it or I have heart disease like my mom did but they wont do the bypass surgery. I know that they also have plans to counsel old people on ways to help themselves commit suicide. No one listened to us when we cried out, and they still don't...... it's really scart to think that when people are old and crippled and feeble society is just going to throw them away to rot and die. Older people are the jewels of society and in the old times we use to honor that, wrinkles were worn like badges of honor, people came and listend to thier words. I know what a treasure old people are....just like I know what a treasure Randy is underneath all his childish selfishness and the hurt and pain he hasn't healed from is making him behave as  lesser than who he really is deep deep inside. But I can't help him, all I can do is be an occasional friend to him. As for the healthcare plan and the way this nation is going, not sure if I am called to get involved in that one, I think I can do more good just spreading the light to all that I can, but we shall see...

Today I want you to take a good look around your life and see whats laying around in your dumpsters, perhaps its a friendship that went sour, or an aging family member that you had to tuck away in a home somewhere (It happens no sin in that), Or maybe you know someone who's ill or debilitated physically or mentally. Look at it again and see if you can see beyond the brokeness and find a treasure........... I know I do everyday......so can you.......the trick is to look with your heart and not with your eyes......


With Love and in the Light, Cassie

PS pray for me.....I am in pain........ugh! There's power in prayer and in numbers.....I promise to return the favor......

11-11-11 Wish Big!

11-11-11  Wish Big!

So Monday morning I wake up with the sound in my head: red rover red rover we dare Cassie over and as I am getting ready for work I heard it a few more times. I laughed at them whoever was there and thought I'll show ya! Having no idea what it meant but for some reason I was full of spunk and vinegar that day and I sure needed it too. I headed to the office and had a busy day to face of catching up with what I missed Friday, dealing with the inevitable glitches of the system upgrade they had done for my complaint software over the weekend (my software is managed by people who have never done my job and thus make decisions that are idiotic in many instances), and trying to reach the mortgage company, the school for Jeremy and the insurance company. No luck on the phone, am I the only one who works on Mondays? Randy texted mid morning and said: that was fun...my reply...yep... well then find some more time for me again soon....sure will he replied. I spent some time thinking about the conversations we had the night before while I drove home later that day (thinking's good in the car it keeps me from being ticked off that there are so many cars in my way)

First I thought of the gentle lecture Randy gave me the night before on trusting strangers and also reminded me that I had not paid sufficient attention to him when he told me the house had contacted him about being robbed and that it was going to injure the person. We really needs to harness his gift I thought and made a mental note... Then I thought about his reply to my whining about how awful it is I am still single and alone he told me I needed to adjust my expectations, you don't need the leather seats and the sun roof he told me! I smacked him LOL but I did get his point, sometimes being picky isn't about what you want its about being afraid to choose.... Then we got on the topic of "her" and how he just took what he could get, but then again he also started complaining about her and how much he hates her and wishes she'd leave...so like I am not following his example! As I pulled off the rt 35 exit to head home there he was coming out of 7-11 with his coffee and heading to work....I thought to myself that if he lived with ME there would be coffee at home for him, and clean travel mugs too..... But anyway I texted: I C U at 7-11....awesome he replied...

When I got home I talked to Jeremy about his thoughts on going to join a gym, the huge billboard advertising $10 a month at Work out World had been beckoning me for a couple months now and I wondered how I was going to get any exercise in the winter.... He said he might go with me sometimes so I said lets go check it out and we did! I got one membership, costing 3.5 times more than the billboard price.... but I can bring one guest each and every time I go so that's a good deal and i can take all the classes that i want. When Randy texted at his dinner break I told him and he said awesome and I will go with you so we made plans to go Sunday when he gets off work. I also posted to my facebook page so that my friends will go too. I really really hate to exercise but if I go with a friend I will do it, and now that I am spending money I can't afford I must go. I am just going to have to trust the universe to bring me more money. My fortune cookie the day before had read: You lead a useful life no matter what riches are coming to you. So I must believe! I could use some riches about now, and I will always help people.. I wondered if joining the gym was the red-rover dare?.....

Tuesday I woke up and had been having some really bad dream about losing my purse. I looked everywhere for it and was in such a panic and people were helping me but I could not find it, on some level of my consciousness I also told myself this is a dream and your real purse is where you put it last night. I didn't need a dream dictionary to tell me that this dream represented my fears of losing my identity. What the heck is that about I wondered? Fear of losing the protective fat? Fear of getting close to someone since Randy was texting so much the day before and making plans and calling it a date? Oh well perhaps it was nothing big and already resolved, I shrugged it off and did some work on my website and then I got an e-mail from Photo-ID they had a new person working the cases but she assured me my segment was going up the end of this month, her name: Angel Gabriel, i kid you not! I guess angels are looking over this project! I was happy and I headed out the the meetup karaoke event..... That was loads of fun and I met one organizer whom I had been trying to get out to meet for months! Joe also was there, he told me the date is set for our first singles personality evaluation meeting which was very exciting. I ended up making a few videos of the various people and groups singing karaoke and one gal whom I had given a SpiritStone to awhile back asked me to "re-charge" it for he so I did, then a friend of hers asked me to "charge" her cross necklace, I tried but I don't feel that it worked..guess she will let me know... All and all a really great night and I was feeling so happy and loved.........

Wednesday rolled around though and my work flow was insane! Then I tried to e-mail the event organizers the videos but they were too big so I put them on my you tube page and I sent the links to the two group organizers and told them to view them, post links if they saw fit or tell me where to upload them to. A bit later I got a nasty text from my friend, the one who has gotten violently angry at me a few times and then apologized later. He had a fit about the one of him being on you tube-  i took it down right away, apologized profusely, and promised to never video tape him again, as I read through his cursing at me e-mails, where he copied several people on them, and read his half dozen texts for the next three hours though I felt less and less bad for upsetting him and more and more indignant that he had allowed me to video him if he was going to get so upset. I was wrong, I know but his reaction just seemed so disproportionate. Then again I know him and I know he has a lot of anger and unresolved issues, I made a mental note to be even more loving to him in the furture.......still I took myself off the list for the next karaoke event knowing it will take me a bit of time to recover from that onslaught.

In the evening I headed down to work out world to meet with the guy who was going to train me on the machines, only it turned into an evaluation where they tried to talk me into spending another $500 on a personal trainer........I had to get really firm with him when I said no. And people wonder why no one likes salesmen, this is why i can NEVER be a salesperson, in am not nor do I believe in being pushy. But anyway we did the whole plan thing the body calculations and he ended up setting up a complimentary session for him to design a work out routine for me. Since Randy said I should record this from the start to the end I am sharing here the picture and it clearly shows just how bad I am. The time for shame has to be gone, this is me right now today.........get a good look because it wont be here forever. This is my goal for a year:


I am going to do my best.......let see how close I can get to the goal in a year, and the next and the next...


Thursday at the office I ran into a co-worker who had been out on maternity leave, when she asked me how I was I told her of my robbery at the old house, she said I should file a claim with my insurance company. She said that I can do that and I can keep the money if I want to. I guess it can't hurt to look into it....lord knows I need the money. My buddy Mike called and said he'd buy me dinner if I met him after work so I did. I asked him some guy advice, and he said that was totally normal guy behavior to pay a lot of attention to you right after they see you then drift off as the week progress, don't mean they don't care. So I texted Randy and asked if he wanted to come see me the next night when he got off work. I had a half day, was going to a wedding and I knew I would much rather go home to be with him after than go out dancing to the after party or to a singles event Tina was having...he replied yes and I was so happy, and Mike said wow he does like you don't he? Yep I said as I replied I sure will to his be ready for me text.... I was in good spirits .....till I got home and opened my mail and saw that my credit card company had drastically cut my credit limit! This is the card I have my car insurance bill going on! I tried really hard to not worry. Then Pam texted me to tell me that the new CassiesCalendar went live and I happily annouced that and sent out my very first newsletter from the site. I went to sleep that night with tons of money worries and lots of high hopes and wishes for the success of the websited..........dear God please let it make us some money I don't know how much longer I can keep my head above water and if I loose my car insurance.......no no it was too much to even think about....

Friday a half day of work and then off to the wedding. But first I slapped up the workshop Joe and I were doing with these personality testing people The Alchemy of Attraction, I think we can really do something to help these people and earn a few bucks too! Anyway the wedding was so beautiful, I cried and I cried. I have been friends with this woman for many many years through my events and CassiesCalender, and she took a long time in finding her guy....she wanted someone special, a real and true gentelman and he finally came along. Seeing the look on both of thier faces made me see how important it is to not give up on your dream or compromise too much. It was inspiring to be a part of thier special day, and our favorite band was playing there, Amethyst 80's, they had given her a discount for exchange of me doing advertising for them for gigs on CC. But as the day drug on I got tired and I skipped out a little early, anxious to see Randy...........he texted me right after I got home and asked me how the wedding was......good I said are you still coming at 9:20? Yeah but I cant' stay long he replied.........when do you have to go? Maybe 9:45.......I kept my cool and I just said Why? Oh the kid wants to go out for a beer with he me said......25 minutes is NOT long enough I said, either come and stay a couple hours or do not come at all............thats not fair he replied............yes it is........then he said i was being mean that as a parent I should know better than to ask him to blow off his kid...........I am a parent and I keep dates I said, its your choice..........then he got upset and said no i was the one making a bad choice........I then said you never should have told me you would come if you weren't going to, I could have gone out to the after party or I could have gone to a singles event. ......and for good measuer I added this has always been the problem between us, you always wanted to blow me off for the boys. He had nothing else to say. Just as well............my wish is for a man who wants to spend time with me, who would never choose going out for a beer with the boys over coming home to me. Not that friend time isnt important but with Randy he drops his women like a hot potato whenever a guy wants to chill, and it has nothing to do with him being a pretend parent, before it was the kid it was Jimmy or Jack or Ritchie and the stories of all his other breakups match. No he still is the same old Randy, good in so many ways but this one this is too big to ignore. My wish, my BIG wish is for a man who puts ME first, as I would put him first.....not without plenty of freedom between us but still not one who hadnt seen me in 5 days and only wanted to seeze me in for 25 minutes......

Today is 11-11-11 and as I type this soon it will be 11:11pm.............I have a few wishes to make...........how about you? Don't sell yourself short..............Wish BIG!!!!



With Love and in the Light, Cassie


My wishes:

1.To make ALOT of money with CassiesCalendar and to help others to be happy and find love and friendships through my events and the events that I share for them.
2. To find my man who is going to love me and put me first and be my very best friend, either that to be Randy to finally choose to mature or for God to bring someone else, I am open to the universe to know who is best for me and when.
3. To stick to the gym and to loose ALL the weight so that I can bike and hike and go all the places I want to explore.
4. For my sons to find wives when they are ready and have lots of kids for me to love and spoil and be a grandma too
5.For the people of this planet to let go of thier pain and hurt and just love one another and our earth more, to raise the vibrations for us all!

11-7-11 Down on my Knees

11-7-11   Down on My Knees

Friday when I got home from Hospice training I took a little nap, the whole thing just drained me, the class was good and the people were nice but there was just so much talking, and one woman in particular just would not stop yapping and yapping. I find that sort of thing draining, I do so prefer alone time or one on one or small groups anymore. Anyway Randy had answered my e-mail and said he could see me that night but not Saturday ( I had told him Sunday was a no go because I wanted to go to a singles meetup event). So I texted him to say he could come over and I even had some stew to feed him..........it took him 2 hrs to answer me: how about sat morning before i go to work? THAT ticked me off but I did not react and just said sorry can't am busy, maybe next Sunday (and I was, but I also didn't want to be squeezed in) Oh crap was his reply. I sent back: your e-mail said tonight what happened? Have to work on the kids car he replied. Oh well like I said maybe next Sunday... I let it go and knew in my heart that if he or the universe was letting his family keep us apart it was meant to be that way, but I was NOT going to skip events I wanted to go to for him. Never make someone a priority in your life who only makes you an option in theirs! Then this message popped into my mail:

Every day when you wake up, ask yourself, "What do I really, really, really want?" You have to say "really, really, really," otherwise you may not believe it. Elizabeth Gilbert American Author and Short Story Writer

I went to bed but before I did I knelt down beside my bed and prayed, something I don't do often (kneeling, not praying), something I only do when I am really really really serious, really really really at the end of my rope. I prayed dear God a year ago I asked you to bring Randy to me now if he was the one and you asked me to wait so he could have more time with "his boys" and I said ok cuz I know how much they mean to him, well now lord I am tired of waiting, tired of being alone, PLEASE either start the work to bring us together NOW or bring me someone else....Amen. He knew I meant it too.

Saturday morning I woke up from some very vivid dreams, most of them about my ex-in laws. I always take these dreams to be resolving my issues about wanting to have a close extended family. Not that I didn't have a family of my own back in Ohio but I never felt fully loved or accepted by them, I always felt like the black sheep. Therefore I had so hoped my ex-husband and his 9 siblings were going to be it but the dysfunction was extreme and well besides when you divorce an Italian the whole family shuns you it seems... But I digress. Part of the dream was someone wanting to be intimate with me and for some reason despite how desperately I wanted to on one level I somehow thought that I should not...but a guide was with me telling me I was being foolish turning away from what was offered me....so I woke up wanting someone very much and I decided to text Randy and tell him he could come over before work as suggested. He did not, he didn't answer me right away and by the time he did he said he would be late for work if he came over. I was mad at him all over again.

I went to the grocery store and driving home I prayed very loudly and very angrily to god and the angels to show me loud and clear once and for all does Randy or does he not belong in my life. And if he does not to get everyone to stop messing with me and putting him in my path and in my dreams! I came home and found the November e-zine from my friend pat chapman. The below stuck out at me:

Ultimately, the only way humanity will come out of the tangle of fear is if more of you choose love in every moment. This can feel small when you are doing it in your everyday life, but it makes an enormous

difference in the ongoing evolution. If you imagine one of those satellite images of earth at night where you can see the city lights of urban areas across the planet, imagine yourself as one little speck of either light or darkness. Looking down on Planet Earth right now, you are either creating light or you are creating darkness. We are talking now about the Light of Spirit and the Light of Love - the fundamental creative force of the universe. Do everything you can to beam a speck of light.

I could choose love or I could choose fear.....weather Randy was THE one he was willing to give me what moments he could to love me and I was being a brat about it, so I texted him and asked can you come tomorrow morning?Again he wanted to come the next evening, at our regular time, no I said I am not going to be home. Ok then I will come before work... Pam came we worked on the website later than I had expected and therefore I decided to spend Saturday night at home instead of going out.

Sunday I woke up just before the time Randy was to come over and I got up and freshed up and waited... 10 after I texted, nothing..... 20 after I texted.....nothing......45 min later I texted him a nasty litany that I don't want to remember let alone repeat. Finally he answered me that he just woke up to which my reply was if you loved me you would have set an alarm that's what I would have done. I sorry he replied to which I sent off another litany of his imperfections and how alone he's going to be when he's old and I am happily married to someone else. Shortly after that I got a call from someone looking at my house, driving by they had seen the For Sale By Owner sign and decided to go there and take a look. They told me there were broken windows, the back door open, tubing ripped out of the ground and pieces missing from the heating systems. They went to the basement and told me the hot water heaters were disconnected. I thanked them and called the police up there, they told me to drive up and meet them there to make the report. As I was getting ready I texted Randy and said remember how last week you told me the house contacted you and told you someone was stealing metal and messing it up and I thought it was what Andrew had taken? well this time they took everything! Holy Crap he replied..........I need a name I told him, go back and ask for a name....and I headed up to Flemington to this old crap house I thought I was done going back to.......


Driving up there I got a call from Kevin, we hadn't heard much from him the past week, when I e-mailed he said he had put his back out so I said feel better talk to you later...still it was odd that he called me as its usually Jeremy he calls....then I recalled how I had posted on the meetup event that I may be late due to a robbery at my old home.....the wheels in my head started to turn, and I recalled how two weeks ago when he went with us to winterize it he had mentioned that we should let him take the pipe and split the money then claim and I had said no to that one. He also had reveled that he had done this before. So when I got there and I looked around and saw the extent of the damage and missing items I knew that it was a professional job, and he was a pro. I sat there waiting for the cop and felt like an ass, and I felt so betrayed and I felt so disappointed the here my son and I had thought we found a friend to accept us. The cop was taking forever and I feared I would miss my event, even though I had pre-paid the ticket so I texted Randy and said can you come at 5 if I end up missing my event. Sure can he said.....


When the cop arrived he seemed annoyed and matter of fact and I told him everything I knew, supplied the name and number of the people who reported it etc. Then at one point he accused me of this and said if it turns out to be some insurance scam that i would be arrested! By the time we got done talking though he didn't feel it was me and he said this was all too common. I then rushed out of there and managed to get to the group and the movie in time. Everyone was sympathetic of what happened to me and said if I wanted to that the cops could probably subpoena meetup for the Kevin's real information. I explained that the cop said since I had brought him there before no fingerprints would count and since there was no eye witness there would be no way to prove it. I put it out of my mind and headed in to see the movie. My phone kept vibrating though and I checked and saw that it was Randy, where are you he texted? He even called too , I sent a quick I am not home text went to the event can you come at 7pm? I try he replied....


He never came at 7 and didn't answer my text, napping I thought. I felt so depressed, so betrayed, so devastated.  I had to talk to Jeremy about it and I told him to never bring him here again, he wanted to know what I was going to tell him about Thanksgiving I had no answer for that. Kevin even called me again he said he could get me stuff for my hydroponic grower we got at a yard sale I said no thanks and told him how screwed I was financially how the cops thought I did it, a real sob story and that I couldn't talk. I hope he feels at least a little bad about this. At 9pm Randy texted Hi........Hi I sent back......you home? Yeah....and I need a back rub, and Orgasm and a shoulder to cry on can you handle that........I''ll be right over he said.......and he was.......and he gave me what I needed in that moment to comfort me.....


After all this I am feeling pretty beat down and shaken up. I don't know how I am going to ever sell the house now with the whole heating system and copper ripped out. Only one section left on the twisty stairs, as if someone had fallen carrying it down and left it... And I feel like such a fool for trusting someone and knowing that my poor choice stemmed from my desperate need. I know that my son choosing him over better choices came from him feeling too shy and insecure to go to the park in town or anywhere and make some good friends his own age...when you are starving you will eat crappy spoiled no one else wants it food and it will make you sick. We still have sadness and darkness in ourselves from our past pain and we are still attracting negative people to us...... I need to go back and I need to get down on my knees and pray to god really really really hard to release all this pain and this anger and this hurt and this low self esteem and I need to encourage my son to do so too. 


Today as yourself what problems do you have that makes life too hard to stand? What is going to bring you to your knees? It happens to the best of us so don't be ashamed, just get on your knees and cry out  to your god...........he'll be there for you and he'll send people to comfort you too......on your knees is a very good place to start...........


With Love and in the Light, Cassie

11-4-11 Attract, Don't Repel, Your SoulMate

11-4-11  Attract, Don't Repel,Your Soul-Mate!

Well Monday I was feeling a bit crazy and I could not reach Mary my spiritual advisor so I called Chris my friend who had the dream about Randy getting married to that woman. She told me how she had been sound asleep and woke with a start and remembered it vividly, so we talked about it some more and when she told me the woman was wearing a blue suit I recalled that's what my mother wore when she married my step Dad! I bet it was HER I said! She knew that you would tell me the dream and she knew how upset it would make me she was probably trying to do this to get me to talk to Randy! That's the trouble with the communication between this world and the other side, its really difficult and most messages get messed up trying to decode them. But that's also the way it was meant to be for we are here to learn our lessons on our own, they really aren't meant to help us too much. Still I wished that I could have a bit more guidance.. especially on the Randy thing... I did see him driving home, we passed each other on the drawbridge they were working on, so close we nearly could have high fived if we had our arms out...I wasn't sure if he saw me but he did text me once he got to work and I was home to say Booooo  and Hi LOL.....I told him of the excitement of having trick or treaters to pass candy out and said do you want me to save you some candy little boy? (You know the answer to that one with me telling your right?) Holidays are the times when I love the 12 yr old side of him I must say....

That night on reading the facebook status's in between answering the door bell I noted what my new friend Beth had posted: The moon is waxing tonight so make your intentions for things you want to bring into your life...love, prosperity, good health, etc. This is the night when your power is at it's peak, use it wisely. I also know that All Hallow's Eve is the night that the veil between the spirit worlds is its thinnest also. So with those thoughts in mind I set the following intentions and asked any of my departed relatives and spirit guides to assist:
1- i want to sell my house
2- i want to bring in much much more income with something that helps people
3- i want to trust in love and find and keep a suitable mate for life

I figured three were enough.....besides just about that time Randy texted me, it was his dinner break and I guess he was thinking about me.....again....don't worry I am not swooning this time, besides the fact he still lives with someone else,and I know snowmobile season's just around the corner....

Tuesday Pam and I worked on the CC site, well she did most of the work and I did some talking LOL I did write the homepage statement though which is key and I did pick the day for launch, giving her a full week longer than she said she needed:  11-11-11 It seemed like a fitting day! We also got into a neat discussion on the energy shifts in my spiritualinNJ group on what was happening to them regarding "the shift". I got a little envious and said so as I don't ever FEEL anything and they giggled at me and reminded me of my voice and how that's just my way of connection and i posted this story:
i was pouting one day because my mother had claimed to have seen jesus in her bedroom- i belive she did and i know others see and hear and experience
i was just a child
and my voice said for me to not worry as some need to see so that they can believe but i was going to believe with out ever seeing and that would be better
and i guess u r right, it is just like your knowing just in my personal way
we all have our talents........
Wednesday  I worked from home and made crock pot of beef stew, it smelled yummy and since I was using the crock pot Randy got me one year for Christmas (i asked for one) I took a picture and e-mailed it to him tellng him if he wanted to stop over I'd save him a container of it.....he didn't get back to me nor did he text me at all that night from work. Typical of him to pay attention to me then slowly drift away to his own pursuits, I shrugged it off and made some plans to attend some singles events. That night Mary called me, it had been several days since we spoke and I told her all the Randy stuff, she said see he never asked you to marry him because you kept leaving him  but he doesn't see how he leaves you abandoned inside the relationship! How  are you going to deal with this? Well I told her I am going to look at him as any other friend, when they contact me and want to see me, if i am available I will see them......in the meantime I am going to live my life. I just don't care anymore how it turns out and I am not going to use dumping him as a tool to manipulate him into making a commitment. But that being said I told her, I am not getting any younger, and so far I have not met anyone else I want to be with so why deprive myself of a little fun and closeness when I can get it? I could be 65 or 70 before my mate comes along and too old for that! Besides Randy's like a wild puppy, if I try to hard to hold him he runs away, if I back off he comes running back trying to get my attention... LOL Now you are getting it she said....

Thursday I finally finally got the Attract Your Soulmate workshop posted, the one I have been talking about for over a year about doing, the one I made my vision board for LAST October..... It's been on my to-do list. This time my new friend Beth said she wanted me to do it with her so I pushed on through and got it up there. I hope people come, I know it can help them like it helped me 4 years ago, and I have tweaked out a few of the bugs too! LOL I did some reflecting too on how earlier in the week Randy had said he'd come over an keep me warm this winter to which my reply had been: no you won't have time, all week you have to be with them and all weekend you will be snowmobiling. I thought to myself how that was not a smart thing to say, it's like the girl who wants the boy to ask her to the dance but shes says well you won't want to take me I don't know how to dance and I don't have a nice dress and you probably want to take Suzie anyway. I need to stop this! My behavior is repelling not attracting! I need to learn from the past and belive in the future if I am going to attract my SoulMate into my life and I need to be ready to BE with him and not find reasons to shove him away or not belive in his love. I need to learn from this thing I had with Randy.......every one comes into our life to teach us........let me start with this....

Friday I was off and had training to be a volunteer for a local Hospice agency. Before heading out I sent a quick e-mail to Randy saying I can't see you sunday (because I was going to a singles meetup event) and saying can you come tonight or saturday. Then I headed off to class.........

Today I want those of you who are single and searching for your THE one to think about what and who you really want in your life and I want you to also take a good hard look at the patterns of your past relationships. Did you welcome love or did you question it, fear it, push it aside, not honor it enough? And even those of you who are not looking for romantic soulmates, there are such things as friend soulmates as well. How well have you handled those? EVERYONE who comes into our life is a potential soulmate, and often those we clash with the most are the closest too us in the end, or at least those we learn the most from. So as you go about interacting with people, no matter how they are behaving to you, know this........ love is always the answer.............



With Love and in the Light, Cassie

When Christ said that man does not live by bread alone, he spoke of a hunger. This hunger was not the hunger of the body. It was not the hunger for bread. He spoke of a hunger that begins deep down in the very depths of our being. He spoke of a need as vital as breath. He spoke of our hunger for love. Love is something you and I must have. We must have it because our spirit feeds upon it. We must have it because without it we become weak and faint. Without love our self-esteem weakens. Without it our courage fails. Without love we can no longer look out confidently at the world....
But with love, we are creative. With it, we march tirelessly. With it, and with it alone, we are able to sacrifice for others.
Chief Dan George, 1899 - 1981
Native Canadian Indian Tribal Leader