3-12 -12 The Alchemy of Change

3-12 -12  The Alchemy of Change

Saturday I got up and as I was having my coffee I found an article in my news feed called  longing-for-and-fear-of-intimacy It made me realize again that the real reason I don't have a new life partner is because of ME and my FEAR of love. I recognized myself in so many of these things listed and I recognize that I still have healing to do despite how far I have come so far. I also recognize the run away pattern in Gus my ex-husband (he escaped to alcohol) and Randy my ex-BF (he escaped into daredevil riding and hanging with the boys). I know countless others in my singles groups who year after year hang out looking for yet never finding love, or finding it but not keeping it for very long. Oh well, all need to heal!  I had also read an article about Alchemy and Energy: Solar Consciousness it gave me hope for us all and talked of how the solar flare activity was actually going to work to raise the consciousness of the planet, an alchemy of healing and raising vibrations! I was so ready for it I wanted to bask in the sun as much as I could....thankfully I had one of my Walking and Talking events that day and thoroughly enjoyed it despite the brisk March winds.

After the walk I ran over to pick up concert tickets from Starland Ballroom, they were giving me them free for my group to hear The Marshall Tucker Band. I was so excited until I saw the concert was the day before Easter, when my oldest son Dustin would be visiting me from Colorado. I called him right then and there to see if he wanted to go with me, I knew he'd like the country/gospel music that they play. He said maybe but when I posted the link on his Facebook he had plenty 0f negative things to say, this lead to a debate which led him to say how much he resented me and my singles group friends, he felt that I didn't give him enough attention growing up because of them. I realized he was partially right and I apologized. I did use that as an escape from the harsh world that was my life after the divorce and its trauma. I was really upset and distracted though and I backed my car into the fence post when I was heading out later that night as I went to Ralph.s singles event. I knew I could not afford the $500 deductible and would not be able to get it repaired. I still had a good time though and was glad I went as I ran into a lot of friends. Ralph is nice and he lets me in for free because I advertise for him and I took the chance to pass out the rest of my Zoso tickets. I tell you though it was so great to be out and to be loved by so many and to meet new people who may need my help...One gal I talked to was stressing tons about sending out resumes for jobs, she said she did them all day and sometimes very late at night. I told her my strategy, get up early every weekday, apply for at least three jobs, then go play and enjoy being off work. I told her especially don't send out resumes in the middle of the night, they look for people who keep normal business hours. This made her feel better.

Sunday was Yoga, I was so stiff after all this laying around from being sick but I did the best that I can, I am sticking to my not giving up attitude. When I came home I talked to Jeremy about what Dustin said about giving too much attention to my singles groups and he said oh he shouldn't be such a whiner and I said yeah you always came to things with me or you came down and helped with the BBQs and hung out and invited your friends. You also helped me with the yard and went to dinner with me and Dustin was glued to the computer. So hey as always yes I could have done better with him but I didn't do as bad as he remembers it all. He needs to let go of those little boy hurts the same as I need to let go of mine from my parents. I rested the rest of the day and in the evening talked to Adele, a new friend I met in my Angels group who did a reading for me and we discussed all the solar flare activity. She told me how clumsy she's been (so that could be why I hit the fence post and dented my bumper). My reading went well though basically it was heal the inner child in me, get out and go play and have fun and heal me and love me, she even told me to go fly a kite and I told her I had that planned for next Sunday!. I told her I had tons of go out and play stuff planned for my groups: walking, biking, kite flying, volley ball, kick ball, concerts of our favorite old groups... She said the cards also say that I needed to stop worrying about the stress of my job and my lack of getting a raise or having enough money that they had something big planned for me coming around the corner so just forget that stress and worry that all would be well. She also nagged me again about the vinegar for cleansing and to try it in juice, so I put a capful in a small glass of orange juice and it was easier to tolerate..

We talked about Randy too and my need to cut the cords with him completely. I confessed to her about the texting him after my dream on Tuesday and then I also confessed that my cat had hidden in the basement for 2 days, having been spooked by the kids hollering at the video game, so I texted him asking him to "talk" to the cat and tell him to come up and eat. He did it and the cat came up in 10 minutes! I so wish I could develop that power and I told her its such a shame he has these powers and does nothing with them and does not understand them. She said let it go and I told her I was. I told he I can't even be his friend while he lives with her anymore and she asked what do I want and I told her I want to forget he even exists for as long as that woman lives with him, and in that time I want to find my own man, and later, when she leaves as I know she will and he needs a friend then I can be a friend to him. She told me that no matter what our future relationship is that the current cords all need to be cut because the energy is not good and I need to use my energy someplace else. She said to call on St Michael for help so as I went to bed that night I did just that.

Monday I woke up and pulled St Michael as the angel card of the day. I knew that meant he was working on what I asked and to confirm it I had an e-mail from Randy's sister asking me to remove her from CassiesCalendar facebook group. I knew he had done his work and I knew I needed to be free of that distraction in order to complete the work on myself, that it was far more important...... Kinda reminded me of a friend who told me that summer I started seeing Randy again that he was just a distraction from me doing the real work I needed to do on myself........

Today I want you to ask yourself this: Are you ready for change? It's not going to be easy, just as metal must enter the fire, the caterpillar must enter the cocoon, as Jesus wandered in the dessert for 40 days and 40 nights.....its going to be a intense but its the ONLY way to change, and change is the only way to go higher!!.......... Are You Ready?


With Love and in the Light, Cassie




There's courage involved if you want to become the truth.
There's a broken open place in a lover.
Where are those qualities of bravery and sharp compassion in this group?
... What's the use of old and frozen thought?
I want a howling hurt!
This is not a treasury where gold is stored.
This is for copper.
We alchemists look for what can heat up and change.
Luke warm won't do.
Half hearted holding back, well enough getting by. . .
Not here! ~Rumi~