3-10-12 Hopes and Dreams

Hope is the Dream of a Soul Awake ~French Proverb

3-11 -12   Hopes and Dreams

So Tuesday after work I decided to go check out a local park that a friend had told me would be a good place to walk. Nature had been my angel card of the day and after the traumatic money problems of the day my soul sure did need soothing. I asked Jeremy if he wanted to go and was surprised that he did. We had a nice time walking and talking about stuff and taking photos for landmarks for meeting spots. Then I wanted to drive past the house that I want, as we drove through town I went by the water as I always do and he showed me how he sees the water tower by our house and wishes each time he had a boat to get him across the bay inlet. Keep wishing I told him and you might get a boat, I told him of how I always drove past J&J wishing I worked there and I eventually ended up working there. We went past the house and he told me I should quit stalking it but I ignored him. I told him I quit driving down the street that goes by Randy's and now I go by my new friends house, this nice lady I met whom I hope to be better friends with. As a matter of fact the other day I had driven by there on my way to work and she had texted me later inviting me to a party there on Friday. I had really wanted to go but the games and such would have cost me more than I could afford.....

But anyway..... Jeremy and I discussed money problems. He told me he wants to invent something and I encouraged him on that as he does come up with good ideas all the time, then he swung to the worried side again and said if he didn't get a job soon he was going to start dealing again. NO I told him, you will never prosper breaking the law no matter how tempting it is. Then I told him about the first blog that I am working on the edits and trying to make a book. He said good but make it about something that will teach people something to help their life. I am I am I told him, then he said and let me read it first so I can help you edit it to sound like a guy would listen to because many times someone has told me something to help my life and then later I realize its something you told me all along. I told him it most likely had nothing to do with how I said it, rather how he heard it as nearly ALL kids have a parent filter and they wont listen to what a parent says till they hear it somewhere else. We had a good time though and drove past the house I want someday and discussed the pros and cons of a home with a bay view. Lastly we went to the park on Randy's side of town to take a photo and I told him of the night I passed "her" in there just as he texted me asking was I ready for him. Jeremy told me he picked her because I change my mind too much and I said I know, I just get scared when I get too close, but he's not really what I hoped for in a man and  he's better off with her she don't care if he's never home and I missed him too much when he was playing. He also said that that they probably needed him more, those kids had no father figure and were about to be homeless, you didn't need him you always made ends meet and took good care of us. That I did I told him, then apologized though for never having found him a new dad as he had pleaded with me to do. That's OK Mom he said, I think it was meant to be too, I had many father figures and that made me better than just having one.

Wednesday I woke up with a dream on my mind, I was at a party and  Randy was there dating one of my friends! I asked my friend how can you date him when he behaves so badly? Her reply to me was that he doesn't treat her that way. This bothered me, I didn't know if it was him messing with me, or the spirits trying to lead me back to him yet again or just my mind sorting things out. In the dream also someone handed me a BIG huge drink like 3 gallon bucket size, and while I had my head turned talking to the friend dating Randy and wondering if I had made big mistake I looked back and the huge drink was small. It bothered me all day till I finally texted him: You were in my dream last night. Was that you messing with me or the spirits?. He answered almost immediately and said  Not me. Good was what I thought but I didn't send any reply. I am glad that he is drifting out now, I feel so much free-er not having to be involved in that drama and those lies and half truths. I am also glad that he is accepting the choice he has made for himself and respecting me and leaving me alone.

I had gone to Horsham that day for work so on the way home my friend Chris and Mary my spiritual advisor both met me for dinner. Chris was happy to get a chance to see Mary as she "can see dead people" and always like the chance to share and understand stories. I told Mary about the dream and she said that the drink meant my life and the fact that it was smaller meant I was choosing a smaller life. I recalled the drink from the dream and I did feel that the big one was too much but the smaller one dissapointed me. We also talked about my son and my finances. One friend suggested I see about getting Jeremy on permanent disabilty due to his reading problems but I told her I am not ready for that, and he can work and he can read just slowly. Then the other friend suggested I see if he can go on food  stamps and also had some advice on how I can go bankrupt. I politely told them thanks for trying to help me but I am not ready for those measures yet, that's too small of thinking for me for now and I want to keep thinking big, I want to keep hoping that somethings going to happen for me to earn a lot more money. But thanks for the suggestions and I will keep them in mind if it comes to that.

Thursday was a basically un-remarkable day other than I got a check in the mail from the yoga teacher, it was for the exact amount of money that I needed to go to my friends party! I happily contacted her and went out to get something that night as the gift. Also a co-worker I had seen the day before wrote me for the angel card reading that I offered her. She wanted to know if a particular guy would come back to her life. I drew dreams-intention-abundance and gave her the meanings and told her i think it meant that her guides would give her signs in her dreams if she asked, that she needs to set her intention for what she really wants to create of her life and to see if that guy can fit in with the life she wants for herself and that she can have everything she wants if she just thinks and creats it first in her head. She was very pleased and said that helped her alot. I was glad. When I got home from work I cashed the check and went out and got a gift for friday nights party then went home and told Jeremy about a thought that spirit told me to tell him about his dreams. I told him they said to tell him that the only difference between those who get what they and those who do not are that they keep going. That every one is insecure, every one doupts them selves, every one fears they can't do it, even the winners feel that way....but they keep trying, that is why they win. I told him of the big banner hanging in my High school gym: Quitters never win, and winners never quit. Its true of all aspects of life....


Friday I woke up from a dream it was about  my ex-husband, he was living with his family and I wnt to visit them all. I miss them so much, his family, but they are a proud Italian family, when you divorce the whole family shuns you! Anyway they were really trying to talk me into taking him back, his father even said that he'd pay me a lot of money if I did (they are wealthy). I went out to the garden to think about it and as I walked I noticed the  flowers in the garden shrank, there were big huge plants and as I considered this they got so small, barely there anymore. I recalled how he had limited my life, not allowing me to go out and have friends or be gone from home for long or even have a job other than working for his mom as her housekeeper.... That night I went to the game thing at my friends house, as I drove past Randy's mom I thought again how I wish he'd let me be friends with her, it would do us both good. At my friends we played bingo and won prizes, then we got a chance to steal prizes from one another. I really wanted the lottery tickets but what I came home with was a bunch of candles and two votives, one said Hope and the other said Dream and I realized those had much more value than any possible lottery winnings.....

Today I want you to think about the hopes and dreams that you have for your life, and who you are bringing along with you on your path and the choices that you are making for yourself and the thoughts and beliefs that you are holding onto. Are those people and choices and thoughts you dwell on in harmony with what you really hope and dream for or are they in opposition? To reach your dreams you have to climb the ladder, you have to dream big and its going to be harder or you may not even get there if there are things that hold you back or slow you down.... Good choices get you there faster, good people encorage you and don't pull you down, positve thought keep you going...........Hope and Dream and you can get there!!!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie