9-26-11 Breaching the Barriers
Friday I was trying to bake some cookies, I had promised my friend who offered to pay for me if I met him at a meetup that night to bring him some so I had to make them! I went out to get the mail and there was ANOTHER bill that I didn't have the money for! UGH what was I going to do now? I also was going through the pictures Dad scanned for me for some new TV show they are going to do, they said those of us who would be interviewed and provide photos could plug our businesses so I thought of plugging CassiesCalendar. He sent me one as a baby being held by my Mom and that made me miss her all over again. The first batch of cookies came out burned, the second too moist and I was stressing over the cost of my ingredients and called Jeremy up to finish so I could get back to my work. I am so frustrated over not yet being promoted, despite the fact that I do work well above my level, and thought that even more as I straightened out yet another issue caused by high ups at the company who write procedures for jobs they have never done and don't get it right. Oh so very frustrating! I am smart, smarter than most of them.....but I didn't get my degree like they did and few value work smarts but then again I had passed down an offer to go back to school, I wanted to make money with my healing and helping people not in the corporate world anyway...
So I headed off for the event, feeling icky that I had to let someone pay for me, (I am not very good at receiving can you tell?). I then noticed I needed gasoline again, another $37..I was praying dear God how can I attract money to me when I have so many fears about lack? Help me! I then felt that what was needed was to just keep saying thank you for providing for all my needs, thank you for bringing me enough money to pay all my bills. I said that to myself all the way into the event... When I got there everyone was so nice I was glad I came, one woman though I got to talking to the most, and what an amazing talk we had! Turns out she too is a reiki master and she earns a living that way! With out advertising! She gets all her clients by word of mouth, they are all over the world and she does the sessions over the phone! She said that I should do the same, she said she sees me making lots of money if I can just open up to it. She said perhaps with my blog and with the stones is my best thing, that's what she was sensing and she said the energy coming from me gave her goosebumps! We also talked about why I moved down here, she had also not that long ago and had come from near my old town! I told her I was called to heal the water and what I did when the hurricane was coming and my area handn't flooded or lost power and she high fived me. This all really got me psyched! At the end of the event I went over and thanked my friend for getting me to come and paying for me and that he was special because I had been meant to meet this woman, he said yeah see I can be a real bitch sometimes but I deep down I am a good guy. Yes you are I said and thought to myself see I chose to love and forgive instead of stay angry and hurt and look at the blessings it brought me!
Driving home from the event again my voice asked me: Would you sell your gift to make money? This time I answer back yes, yes I think I would, after all artists sell their paintings, singers sell their songs, writers sell their books and these things all bring blessings and inspiration to others and the money these people earn allows them the time to create even more. I had told the new Reiki friend that I wanted to make lots and lots and lots of money but not to buy things but to do things, she said oh I see that your hands would be a good place for money to be. After I got home my friend who had treated me to the event texted me to tell me that my ex-business partner was at the karaoke event he stopped off at. We had been talking about him and he told me how broke he is....I know this business was for US to make money, but he just didn't work it, he didn't rise up to the occasion. I keep feeling like messaging him and asking him if he's ready to work now....not sure if I should or not....going to have to pray on that more. I am sure everyone who knows him will tell me no.....but still I can't forget how Mary had said she was certain he had been one of the apostles.....deep deep down inside him under the crap and the bad choices and the pain I know he's got a beautiful soul.....
Saturday was one of my picnics on the beach and despite that over 50 signed up we only got about 12. They had been calling for rain and lots of it and many changed their plans, for some reason they just won't believe me when I tell them it doesn't often rain on my outdoor events! LOL I confess I was worried the night before with all the downpours and I went down there before going home and gave some extra reiki and said extra prayers. And the Universe came through!! The weather could not have been better! The turn out was low but those who came were very content. One guy his girlfriend had just died , only 42 and very unexpectedly! He truly needed some comforting. Another guy came who asked us gals some dating advice on how to relate to women in the dating world and told us about a troublesome relationship he had just been in. Jeremy even came down and had a good time, I had to call him to bring some spices and butter so Rich could make us hobo apple pies, there were yummy! I think he made a new friend too. Cecilia and I took some amazing sunset photos too:
Sunday was our first Yoga on the beach for beginners that was on a weekend day, again they were calling for lots and lots of rain and again I prayed very hard for no rain, I woke up to partially cloudy skies and a 30% chance of rain and started praying hard! I also prayed for lots of students too! I said dear God please give me at least 16 so that I can have the $80 to pay that bill. The sun came out and shone brightly and people started contacting me for directions....... in the end we got only 4 paying students but the weather was awesome and we had a lovely time, they all said they would come back for the next Sunday one and its this very next Sunday so I still have time to make more money to pay that bill. Now where to get the money for the electric bill??
Two of my friends came back to the house with me, one I am going to do a jewelry party with for her and the other is building my new CassiesCalendar website for me.I am very excited about the new website and have been waiting patiently for her to be done, today she told me that she decided to start all over and use a new platform so it's going much faster and we may be able to launch by Halloween! Perfect I told her because I am being interviewed for a TV show and I get to plug my business! I told her I want to make this a real business and I want her to be a partner but I need her help to be business, she says yeah I know because you give everything away! I know though that this friend and I are meant for big things because the very first time I had dinner with her just us gals I had a very special experience, and it was just about a year ago, you can read about it in last years blog Its Electric I did pour my heart out to them about my financial woes, it felt good to have someone listen and it relived some of my worry. The friend I am doing the jewelry party for told me that she is going to be doing some shows so if she finds any that are inexpensive she will let me know so I can go sell my stones. I confided in them that I wanted to see if my ex-partner wanted to finally do the work needed to sell them and they both gave me a resounding NO! They had both dated him in the past so they knew him well, I hadnt thought of that coincidence before I brought it up but I saw it as the sign that I needed. The Angel Card of the Day had been signs!
Later that night my buddy called me and we had a long talk about relationships and barriers and such. He asked me truly do I think I haven't found THE one and I told him fear fear fear I am afraid of love and afraid that it will hurt like it always has. He then asked me why I let myself have a relationship and fall in love with Randy and I said it was plain and simple, because he was like a puppy dog begging me to love him and coming back to me no matter how many times I pushed him away. I actually had even had a message for him earlier in the day and so I e-mailed it to him. I said the people up there (and he knows what I mean when I say that) told me to tell you to get a roommate for the room your older kid just moved out of, that is all.. His reply to me was in my mail box Monday morning, he just said Ok I will do that. And since I do love and miss him and I do hope to be his friend even if he doesn't want to be my husband I sent him a bit of advice too on how to do it and he thanked me. You really can't welcome a new love in your life until you make peace with the old ones.....
Monday morning my card was Archangel Michael , and that meant to pray for him when you are in great fear so all the way to work I prayed to him to take away my fear about money and the lack thereof. I also prayed and prayed for the money to pay my bills. I walked in the office and had an idea! I went and checked my credit union where I have my work pension and found out i can take out another 5k loan so I applied for it. I know its just a band aid to my real financial problems but it will pick up the slack and keep my bills paid for the winter at least and give me the peace of mind to really launch my other endeavors in earnest. God really doesn't ever let us down......fear is the only barrier that keeps us from everything......
Today I want you to take an inventory of what you are afraid of and I want you to compare those fears to the lack in your life. What are you NOT getting because of fear? Is it Love? Friends? Financial abundance? Maybe you have some creative thing you are meant to do? What do you want and what can you change to get it??
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
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