Tuesday, March 20, 2012
3-20-12 Remembering the Past to Create the Future
Friday night after work I went to the Zoso Concer. It was OK, I wish I had gone later as I really wasn't interested in the opening bands but I did like Zoso, the Led Zeppelin cover band and so did my friends, it made them remember days of old and going to concerts and such. I personally never got to go to very many myself so this is like getting to have parts of young adulthood that I missed out on. One of my gal pals had came and rode over with me and I introduced her to one of my guy friends whom I know has been looking for a woman for sometime now. He finds them but he never keeps them due to his long work hours running his own company. But this friend is a single mom and has a couple business she tries to run and is just as busy..maybe its a good match I thought...so I whispered to her that he was looking for a relationship, then I told her the best thing about him and the worst thing (why he loses women) and she was not deterred. Next I whispered to him and told him to talk to her, that she was a nice gal and single...Which is exactly what he did. Going home she said some positive and negative things but said she would go out with him.I love playing matchmaker. I sat watching the rest of the show and I watched the people there, many of them couples, the men getting drinks for their women and holding their hands in the crowd and some kissing and hugging as they enjoyed the concert and I felt a little sad to still be alone and I said in a low but audible voice: St Michael help me, I so want a partner to share my life with......
Saturday I woke up and my card of the day was New Love he had heard me! I felt it in my heart that he had heard me and was working on this for me. I happily headed out for my walking and talking event, we had a lot of fun as usual and I told them about the matchmaking I did the night before and that I needed to speak to him about the negatives, they all said how nice it was that I helped my friends this way and I told them I had been doing this for years and I had plenty of stories to tell, one friend kept saying I should write a book that I must have many interesting stories to tell, she said it several times and I finally said that I am writing a book sort of, that I am doing this blog and I am hoping to get Cassies Path part 1 finished editing by Memorial Day that is my goal I set for myself, sooner would be even better. Just as my walk ended Mary called me to see how I was she said I had been on her mind and I told her about my prayer and the card and she said well be open tonight at the party she said. I was but I really had no time to talk to any men, even though I had seen one who looked interesting and I had seen him dancing with someone who hadn't been any hotter or younger than me by my estimations....... It's just that I am so surrounded by the people who do know me I never have time for anyone new, I had agreed to meet someone new and walk in with her because she was shy, I got her introduced around and into the mix, then several people wanted concert tickets so I made those rounds, then I ran into one who's frantically searching for work so I comforted her some, then another who wanted Reiki blessings because she had to quit her new job and needed to get a new one, and the list goes on. But that's what I like to do...help people and comfort people and introduce them to new friends....
Sunday I had kite flying scheduled in the afternoon but I realized I was 300 miles past due to change my oil and I had a Sears coupon so I went there at 11am, walked in and as soon as I put my coupon on the counter the grumpy old man told me there were too busy and couldn't get to me for hours. I was pretty annoyed, especially since this same guy always tells me they don't have time for me but sometimes the other guys step up and say that they can get me in. So in my frustration I texted Randy, who did confirm that they were busy and he said come back later, which is what the guy had said. So I killed some time visiting a new place to go walking and took some photos and met everyone at 2pm. We had so much fun and I got my kite up very quickly and had only one mishap when mine and my friends kites crossed strings. The reason they crossed was we were too busy yapping LOL He runs a group with the gal that I wanted to run a group with, only we had a parting of ways because I wouldn't do everything her way. Now granted I know she is a success, and I know she wanted to help me but I just can't do EVERY thing the way someone wants me to do it. He told me that I should listen to her but then again he understood why I didn't, we both agreed that the dynamic was much better for him and her to work together. Besides they both had plenty of money and weren't trying to make any off events and I was back then, I have since given up on that idea....
After kite flying some of us went to the diner for dinner and talked. We got on the topic of Reiki and I was trying to explain it to them and I relayed the story of how when my friend Beth was working on me I felt something move in my heart, and she "saw" me as a little girl and how my mother yelled at me and she felt my pain and so did I and then I told them of how I talked to my Mom the next day and she had a dream and it was exactly what Beth had seen and my Mom and I got the chance to talk about that and she got to apologize to me for how she was when I was a little girl. One guy asked me, she died not long after that didn't she? And I said a few months later yes. I also told them about how my college friends made a Facebook group and we had spent a few weeks sharing photos and old stories and reminiscing. One friend posted several photos of my ex-husband (we had met in college) and we all talked about him some and it was nice to recall that there were some very very good things about him and to blow away some clouds of the dark moments that I mostly recall from our marriage.
Once we left the diner I went back to Sears, the turned me away again and told me to come back at 8, but I knew they closed at 8. I didn't even argue or complain I just walked out. Just as I got to my car another one pulled it right in front of me, it was Randy with a repair car he had been test driving. He asked me what was up and I told him, he said let me go in and talk to them. You can't do that I said they will know you know me, he waved a hand in dismissal of that comment and went and asked but he came back in out with bad news. Then he wanted to talk a bit, he looked so dirty and worn down and even old to me, I was grateful to not feel the stirrings of yearning for him. The readers were right, he'd stall so long that in the end I wouldn't want him any longer.. We only got to talk for a few minutes till they called him back in again to work but I was a glad. I left and stopped at Target to get a better kite, they had a dual control one that can do stunts so I got it to try it. As I was checking out I got a text from Randy saying it was good to see me...ugh he's just trying to sweet talk me so I give in for pokey again.... ya ya I replied I just wish I could have gotten my oil changed, he told me don't worry it will be OK....of course he did not offer to come over and change it for me.....
Monday I was so very tired all day at work, I did manage to get Jeremy's bus ticket paid for and printed. He is going to meet his brother in Ohio, go see their grandfather then go to a Nascar race together then come back here for Easter. I am so glad that his brother bought him a ticket and that he gets a chance to go do something fun, he's not had much chance for that yet in his life. I got the bus ticket for only $30, its a red eye and I never heard of the company but we think it will be OK. After work I got my oil changed at jiffy lube, they were fast and efficient but it cost me double what Sears coupon was for. I was so annoyed that I texted Randy. He called me later and talked to me while he was at work and we both complained about the grumpy guy at Sears. He told me that he makes him loose business, I got so annoyed again that I decided to e-mail Sears and complain about him. Randy wanted to talk more but I really didn't want to, I recalled all the painful moments over these past few years with him disappointing me and letting me down and not loving me the way that he should and I was glad very glad that my heart has lost its yearning for him and ny body has no desire to be touched by him any more either. We may or may not cross paths but it truly doesn't matter one way or the other. I have my own path to follow now............
Tuesday I woke up and Freedom was the card of the day and I know that I am totally free, I can choose my path and my fate in whatever I want it to be! At 1am the spring equinox had begun, the day that the days officially start to grow longer in terms of sunlight, the celebration of Ostara to the pagans, a new fresh beginning and a new moon to boot! Oh the world us full of hope and promise!
Today I want you to take a look back at your past, see what you have learned, what you have left behind and how you have grown. Do not be afraid to look at the GOOD memories in fondness and let them expand your heart and raise your vibration and gently lay down any bad memories and do not bring them with you. We are moving into a bold new future, stronger, more powerful than ever before and the thoughts we keep with us are the ones that will create our personal futures...........make them good ones!!
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
Friday, March 16, 2012
Tuesday was not a remarkable day at work, my sinuses were better still, I think it really is the vinegar! It got me to thinking that I recall my grandma using it to clear clogged drains and god knew my drain in the rental house was small and clogged up often so I looked it up and low and behold I was right! The article said to put a cup of baking soda in the drain then a 1/2 cup of vinegar. Sure would be cheaper, not to mention better for the environment than that commercial chemical stuff, especially since I live so close to the bay.... When I got home from work one of my roommates had left a note instead of his rent and I was very upset, this was the second time he didn't have it and he'd only lived here two weeks! It was especially tight because my other roommate hadn't paid me on Saturday and was going to double up this coming Saturday but she hadn't warned me like she usually does so I had bought something Friday night at that party I went to to help my friend. And worst of all I was to go to dinner that night with some of my gal pals and had been looking forward to it for weeks! In the end I decided to go and I used my debit card to take some from my bank account, I had just gotten a work bonus and had a tax return coming so I told myself it was worth it.
While there I talked to one of my gal pals who is also strapped for money most of the time, I told her to try getting a roommate or two that it was nice to not have to live alone anyway. She said she was not able to do that because she gets alimony and it strictly spells out in her divorce that if anyone is living with her that it stops. I told her that it probably meant a boyfriend not a roommate, she said she realizes that but she is too afraid to take the chance as she needs that money too much. Her divorce was 15 years ago. In the parking lot as we were leaving I told her to not worry so much about money when she commented on how expensive dinner had been. I told her all we have to do is work hard, trust in God to provide and not be so fearful that we can't do something nice for ourselves once in awhile. I felt good to have been able to guide her some and at the same time to re-enforce this lesson to myself. When I got home that night there was an envelope of money passed under my bedroom door, the roommate who owes on Thursdays had paid me early! He left me a note apologizing for paying early as he wouldn't be back for a few days, I left him a note saying this was an answer to prayer. I knew it was a reminder for me to know I would always be provided for.
Wednesday I worked from home and then in the evening had my walking and talking event. I was surprised to have 5 of us but was very happy about it. The other groups do dinners and karaoke and all sorts of things on weeknights but that's just not what I want to do. I just want to be outdoors walking and taking in all the beautiful views that Monmouth county has to offer us. Only one went to dinner with me after and took advantage of the $10 special at Fridays. It was good though as we talked about things and her need to move from where she is and such, I so like to be able to talk to people and help them when they need it. That night I had a message on my Facebook from one of my spiritual groups, a positive affirmation to attract abundance:
“I am paid EXTREMELY WELL for work I love, that uses my natural talents and gifts.”
This is EXACTLY what I want for my life! I began to think about what I really LIKE to do....... I like to write this blog, especially when someone writes to me and thanks me and says it helped them, I like to charge my SpiritStones and give, sell or "seed" them in places that I think their energy will do some good. I also like to talk to people on Facebook or on the phone or via e-mail about their problems and give them some guidance. This is what I am good at, talking and listening and giving Reiki. Oh and helping people to connect I am also good at that! I have always been at "the hub" of things and in many groups of people...If only I could make money that way....
Thursday morning driving to work I was listening to Catie Couric's book on CD that I got from the library: Best-Advice-Ever-Got Now this is a good book I have gotten quite a few things from this that I hope to share in future blogs but big message that morning was this: What would you still do even if you didn't get paid to do it? I thought of CassiesCalendar and how I keep doing this 10 years later and I don't make money on it. I thought of my Reiki that I give and only a few have ever paid me and even this is like 1/2 the going rate, I thought of all the free angel card readings I have done, I don't recall anyone ever paying me for those. So I decied to change those statements to I do make money with and named each one and I printed out several copies of that affirmation to put up all around where I would see them often and could say them to myself. After work that night I met my hospice supervisor and she took me and introduced me to a new client. He was a very nice man and I was happy to be able to be seeing someone who actually could talk to me and wanted visitors! As I walked out I thanked God for the opportunity to GIVE, which is the 1st rule in attracting abundance. That night I had an urge to stop in the good will store and ended up getting two pair of pants that I needed and a candle all for only $10! I also got some good deals grocery shopping at Aldis.
Friday I worked from home and I cut out the affirmations I printed and I gave one to Jeremy. He said that he just asks his friends to agree with him that he will get whatever it is that he wants. I told him that was the same thing as asking them to pray with him, like the bible says when two or more agree.....or is that when two or more gather? Well something like that, but it was using the collective energy of a group, same thing as me asking my friends to pray for me. Yeah whatever he shrugged you know I can't ask them to pray cuz thats gay. I told him whatever he called it was fine, God doesn't care what you call him why would he care what you call asking him for help with stuff. I was also very happy this day because in the evening was the Zoso concert, a Led Zeppelin cover band. I had gotten the Starland Ballroom to give me tickets for the show and gave all 300 of them out to my friends and friends of friends and friends of friends of friends! Me I'd rather stay home with a pizza and a RedBox movie on a friday night but these FREE concerts make everyone so happy, this is a club that many of the people in my age group went to when they were younger and the bands songs are what they listed to back in the day...reminiscing is good for the soul it raises your vibration and I am happy to do anything I can to help that! The gratitude they all show and the smiles is the best payment I could ever get for doing these events!
Today I want you to look around in your life and see what you have to be thankful for and express gratitude to God/the Universe whoever your personal higher power is. I also want you to be generous to others and there are many ways to do that that do not necessarily involve money but sometimes it will, and I want you to remember to also be generous to yourself too! Not greedy but there is nothing wrong with a well earned and occasional treat. No matter what finacial storms or crisis you are going through trust and belive that God can shine down on you in any moment of need....You will never ever lack anythig that you truly need when your soul follows the path of its creator.....
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
PS, Just saw this on my older son's facebook feed, he's getting out of the Air Force next week after serving for 9 years. He's busy cleaning and packing and getting ready to move to a room in a friends house and spend the next few years going to college. He posted:
Went to Walmart to pick up some cleaning supplies the Walmart greeter is one those power chairs that looked some what disabled chased me down to give me a Thank you Card and a scripture that said "No greater love is this that one would lay down there life for a friend" Was one the most touching moments I have had in my entire 9 yrs of service. Little reminders I suppose from God that someone does actually care about what I did and what I gave up for what I believed was the right thing to do.
Moral of the story, Never underestimate the power of a thank or pass up a chance to give one no matter how hard it may be for you to do.
Thank you my son Dustin for being a stand up guy and serving your country, I don't know if you will ever see these words I write here but I will tell you when you visit for easter this year just how very proud I am of you, I know that I haven't said so nearly enough or thank you for being the person that you are.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
3-12 -12 The Alchemy of Change
Saturday I got up and as I was having my coffee I found an article in my news feed called longing-for-and-fear-of-intimacy It made me realize again that the real reason I don't have a new life partner is because of ME and my FEAR of love. I recognized myself in so many of these things listed and I recognize that I still have healing to do despite how far I have come so far. I also recognize the run away pattern in Gus my ex-husband (he escaped to alcohol) and Randy my ex-BF (he escaped into daredevil riding and hanging with the boys). I know countless others in my singles groups who year after year hang out looking for yet never finding love, or finding it but not keeping it for very long. Oh well, all need to heal! I had also read an article about Alchemy and Energy: Solar Consciousness it gave me hope for us all and talked of how the solar flare activity was actually going to work to raise the consciousness of the planet, an alchemy of healing and raising vibrations! I was so ready for it I wanted to bask in the sun as much as I could....thankfully I had one of my Walking and Talking events that day and thoroughly enjoyed it despite the brisk March winds.
After the walk I ran over to pick up concert tickets from Starland Ballroom, they were giving me them free for my group to hear The Marshall Tucker Band. I was so excited until I saw the concert was the day before Easter, when my oldest son Dustin would be visiting me from Colorado. I called him right then and there to see if he wanted to go with me, I knew he'd like the country/gospel music that they play. He said maybe but when I posted the link on his Facebook he had plenty 0f negative things to say, this lead to a debate which led him to say how much he resented me and my singles group friends, he felt that I didn't give him enough attention growing up because of them. I realized he was partially right and I apologized. I did use that as an escape from the harsh world that was my life after the divorce and its trauma. I was really upset and distracted though and I backed my car into the fence post when I was heading out later that night as I went to Ralph.s singles event. I knew I could not afford the $500 deductible and would not be able to get it repaired. I still had a good time though and was glad I went as I ran into a lot of friends. Ralph is nice and he lets me in for free because I advertise for him and I took the chance to pass out the rest of my Zoso tickets. I tell you though it was so great to be out and to be loved by so many and to meet new people who may need my help...One gal I talked to was stressing tons about sending out resumes for jobs, she said she did them all day and sometimes very late at night. I told her my strategy, get up early every weekday, apply for at least three jobs, then go play and enjoy being off work. I told her especially don't send out resumes in the middle of the night, they look for people who keep normal business hours. This made her feel better.
Sunday was Yoga, I was so stiff after all this laying around from being sick but I did the best that I can, I am sticking to my not giving up attitude. When I came home I talked to Jeremy about what Dustin said about giving too much attention to my singles groups and he said oh he shouldn't be such a whiner and I said yeah you always came to things with me or you came down and helped with the BBQs and hung out and invited your friends. You also helped me with the yard and went to dinner with me and Dustin was glued to the computer. So hey as always yes I could have done better with him but I didn't do as bad as he remembers it all. He needs to let go of those little boy hurts the same as I need to let go of mine from my parents. I rested the rest of the day and in the evening talked to Adele, a new friend I met in my Angels group who did a reading for me and we discussed all the solar flare activity. She told me how clumsy she's been (so that could be why I hit the fence post and dented my bumper). My reading went well though basically it was heal the inner child in me, get out and go play and have fun and heal me and love me, she even told me to go fly a kite and I told her I had that planned for next Sunday!. I told her I had tons of go out and play stuff planned for my groups: walking, biking, kite flying, volley ball, kick ball, concerts of our favorite old groups... She said the cards also say that I needed to stop worrying about the stress of my job and my lack of getting a raise or having enough money that they had something big planned for me coming around the corner so just forget that stress and worry that all would be well. She also nagged me again about the vinegar for cleansing and to try it in juice, so I put a capful in a small glass of orange juice and it was easier to tolerate..
We talked about Randy too and my need to cut the cords with him completely. I confessed to her about the texting him after my dream on Tuesday and then I also confessed that my cat had hidden in the basement for 2 days, having been spooked by the kids hollering at the video game, so I texted him asking him to "talk" to the cat and tell him to come up and eat. He did it and the cat came up in 10 minutes! I so wish I could develop that power and I told her its such a shame he has these powers and does nothing with them and does not understand them. She said let it go and I told her I was. I told he I can't even be his friend while he lives with her anymore and she asked what do I want and I told her I want to forget he even exists for as long as that woman lives with him, and in that time I want to find my own man, and later, when she leaves as I know she will and he needs a friend then I can be a friend to him. She told me that no matter what our future relationship is that the current cords all need to be cut because the energy is not good and I need to use my energy someplace else. She said to call on St Michael for help so as I went to bed that night I did just that.
Monday I woke up and pulled St Michael as the angel card of the day. I knew that meant he was working on what I asked and to confirm it I had an e-mail from Randy's sister asking me to remove her from CassiesCalendar facebook group. I knew he had done his work and I knew I needed to be free of that distraction in order to complete the work on myself, that it was far more important...... Kinda reminded me of a friend who told me that summer I started seeing Randy again that he was just a distraction from me doing the real work I needed to do on myself........
Today I want you to ask yourself this: Are you ready for change? It's not going to be easy, just as metal must enter the fire, the caterpillar must enter the cocoon, as Jesus wandered in the dessert for 40 days and 40 nights.....its going to be a intense but its the ONLY way to change, and change is the only way to go higher!!.......... Are You Ready?
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
There's courage involved if you want to become the truth.
There's a broken open place in a lover.
Where are those qualities of bravery and sharp compassion in this group?
... What's the use of old and frozen thought?
I want a howling hurt!
This is not a treasury where gold is stored.
This is for copper.
We alchemists look for what can heat up and change.
Luke warm won't do.
Half hearted holding back, well enough getting by. . .
Not here! ~Rumi~
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Hope is the Dream of a Soul Awake ~French Proverb3-11 -12 Hopes and Dreams
So Tuesday after work I decided to go check out a local park that a friend had told me would be a good place to walk. Nature had been my angel card of the day and after the traumatic money problems of the day my soul sure did need soothing. I asked Jeremy if he wanted to go and was surprised that he did. We had a nice time walking and talking about stuff and taking photos for landmarks for meeting spots. Then I wanted to drive past the house that I want, as we drove through town I went by the water as I always do and he showed me how he sees the water tower by our house and wishes each time he had a boat to get him across the bay inlet. Keep wishing I told him and you might get a boat, I told him of how I always drove past J&J wishing I worked there and I eventually ended up working there. We went past the house and he told me I should quit stalking it but I ignored him. I told him I quit driving down the street that goes by Randy's and now I go by my new friends house, this nice lady I met whom I hope to be better friends with. As a matter of fact the other day I had driven by there on my way to work and she had texted me later inviting me to a party there on Friday. I had really wanted to go but the games and such would have cost me more than I could afford.....
But anyway..... Jeremy and I discussed money problems. He told me he wants to invent something and I encouraged him on that as he does come up with good ideas all the time, then he swung to the worried side again and said if he didn't get a job soon he was going to start dealing again. NO I told him, you will never prosper breaking the law no matter how tempting it is. Then I told him about the first blog that I am working on the edits and trying to make a book. He said good but make it about something that will teach people something to help their life. I am I am I told him, then he said and let me read it first so I can help you edit it to sound like a guy would listen to because many times someone has told me something to help my life and then later I realize its something you told me all along. I told him it most likely had nothing to do with how I said it, rather how he heard it as nearly ALL kids have a parent filter and they wont listen to what a parent says till they hear it somewhere else. We had a good time though and drove past the house I want someday and discussed the pros and cons of a home with a bay view. Lastly we went to the park on Randy's side of town to take a photo and I told him of the night I passed "her" in there just as he texted me asking was I ready for him. Jeremy told me he picked her because I change my mind too much and I said I know, I just get scared when I get too close, but he's not really what I hoped for in a man and he's better off with her she don't care if he's never home and I missed him too much when he was playing. He also said that that they probably needed him more, those kids had no father figure and were about to be homeless, you didn't need him you always made ends meet and took good care of us. That I did I told him, then apologized though for never having found him a new dad as he had pleaded with me to do. That's OK Mom he said, I think it was meant to be too, I had many father figures and that made me better than just having one.
Wednesday I woke up with a dream on my mind, I was at a party and Randy was there dating one of my friends! I asked my friend how can you date him when he behaves so badly? Her reply to me was that he doesn't treat her that way. This bothered me, I didn't know if it was him messing with me, or the spirits trying to lead me back to him yet again or just my mind sorting things out. In the dream also someone handed me a BIG huge drink like 3 gallon bucket size, and while I had my head turned talking to the friend dating Randy and wondering if I had made big mistake I looked back and the huge drink was small. It bothered me all day till I finally texted him: You were in my dream last night. Was that you messing with me or the spirits?. He answered almost immediately and said Not me. Good was what I thought but I didn't send any reply. I am glad that he is drifting out now, I feel so much free-er not having to be involved in that drama and those lies and half truths. I am also glad that he is accepting the choice he has made for himself and respecting me and leaving me alone.
I had gone to Horsham that day for work so on the way home my friend Chris and Mary my spiritual advisor both met me for dinner. Chris was happy to get a chance to see Mary as she "can see dead people" and always like the chance to share and understand stories. I told Mary about the dream and she said that the drink meant my life and the fact that it was smaller meant I was choosing a smaller life. I recalled the drink from the dream and I did feel that the big one was too much but the smaller one dissapointed me. We also talked about my son and my finances. One friend suggested I see about getting Jeremy on permanent disabilty due to his reading problems but I told her I am not ready for that, and he can work and he can read just slowly. Then the other friend suggested I see if he can go on food stamps and also had some advice on how I can go bankrupt. I politely told them thanks for trying to help me but I am not ready for those measures yet, that's too small of thinking for me for now and I want to keep thinking big, I want to keep hoping that somethings going to happen for me to earn a lot more money. But thanks for the suggestions and I will keep them in mind if it comes to that.
Thursday was a basically un-remarkable day other than I got a check in the mail from the yoga teacher, it was for the exact amount of money that I needed to go to my friends party! I happily contacted her and went out to get something that night as the gift. Also a co-worker I had seen the day before wrote me for the angel card reading that I offered her. She wanted to know if a particular guy would come back to her life. I drew dreams-intention-abundance and gave her the meanings and told her i think it meant that her guides would give her signs in her dreams if she asked, that she needs to set her intention for what she really wants to create of her life and to see if that guy can fit in with the life she wants for herself and that she can have everything she wants if she just thinks and creats it first in her head. She was very pleased and said that helped her alot. I was glad. When I got home from work I cashed the check and went out and got a gift for friday nights party then went home and told Jeremy about a thought that spirit told me to tell him about his dreams. I told him they said to tell him that the only difference between those who get what they and those who do not are that they keep going. That every one is insecure, every one doupts them selves, every one fears they can't do it, even the winners feel that way....but they keep trying, that is why they win. I told him of the big banner hanging in my High school gym: Quitters never win, and winners never quit. Its true of all aspects of life....
Friday I woke up from a dream it was about my ex-husband, he was living with his family and I wnt to visit them all. I miss them so much, his family, but they are a proud Italian family, when you divorce the whole family shuns you! Anyway they were really trying to talk me into taking him back, his father even said that he'd pay me a lot of money if I did (they are wealthy). I went out to the garden to think about it and as I walked I noticed the flowers in the garden shrank, there were big huge plants and as I considered this they got so small, barely there anymore. I recalled how he had limited my life, not allowing me to go out and have friends or be gone from home for long or even have a job other than working for his mom as her housekeeper.... That night I went to the game thing at my friends house, as I drove past Randy's mom I thought again how I wish he'd let me be friends with her, it would do us both good. At my friends we played bingo and won prizes, then we got a chance to steal prizes from one another. I really wanted the lottery tickets but what I came home with was a bunch of candles and two votives, one said Hope and the other said Dream and I realized those had much more value than any possible lottery winnings.....
Today I want you to think about the hopes and dreams that you have for your life, and who you are bringing along with you on your path and the choices that you are making for yourself and the thoughts and beliefs that you are holding onto. Are those people and choices and thoughts you dwell on in harmony with what you really hope and dream for or are they in opposition? To reach your dreams you have to climb the ladder, you have to dream big and its going to be harder or you may not even get there if there are things that hold you back or slow you down.... Good choices get you there faster, good people encorage you and don't pull you down, positve thought keep you going...........Hope and Dream and you can get there!!!
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
“What day is it,?" asked Pooh.
"It's today," squeaked Piglet.
"My favorite day," said Pooh.”
"It's today," squeaked Piglet.
"My favorite day," said Pooh.”
3-6-12 Today is My Favorite Day
Saturday afternoon I took a nap and rested and in the evening I worked on editing CassiesPath1. Mary thinks I need to get it done and self published on Amazon, she said that she knows people who have self published and sold many books. I told her I had no idea if people would want to read the story of my path but I did know that some people who see my links on Craigslist write and thank me, and a few have contacted me to be on their local TV shows. Unfortunately no one local to ME or with a budget to fly me there! I also know that ever since college I have been told that I should write a book about my life by many different people and it's gotten way more interesting since then! And I have always wanted to be a writer, so I write just for the joy of writing. I spent the evening editing the posts from 2010, the summer of Randy, and marveled about how so many signs and omens were pointing us together. I also marveled about how each of us was still in such pain and stubbornness. But I know now that I want to heal and move past that pain and stubbornness and he does not. So how to heal? What else do I need to DO? As I pondered that I recalled the conversation earlier that day at the diner about my sinus problems and the one guy said I don't take ANYthing and I had said I did wonder if all the sudafed I was taking caused the mucus to get thick and not drain as it should. My son came up and was heading out and knowing that he also had all these sinus issues I asked him and he said I don't take anything. Wow I was onto something, that and the advice also of the gal pal who said just go back to the old methods, steam and a towel over your head and maybe a little vicks vaopor rub. I do know we have gotten too dependent on all these chemical remedies. This got me to thinking of my own personal healing of my heart, I knew that was the real reason I did not have a life partner because deep down I was too afraid to have one. I needed to heal and let go and forget and move on. My angel card had been focus, the messages in my feeds has all been on the same thing, and my spiritual adviser had also told me I need to think and create what I want that I had the power to do so. It dawned on me again that I had wasted far too much time pining over stuff, clinging to pain, not looking towards a healthy future in other ways. I made a vow to myself right then and there that I was going to have FUN and I was going to LIVE and I was going to PLAY and I wasn't going to give another thought to my past OR my future, I would let it take care of itself. All I had to do was wake up everyday and do what needed to be done and spend the rest of my time playing, enjoying the life that I had right now.
Sunday morning I had a lesson to learn, I had given my Spiritual in NJ meetup to someone who wasn't behaving in the best of ways with a business dealing, it bothered me that she was still using my group name and hadn't changed it as she was supposed to when she took the group over as promised. One of my spiritual friends had written me the previous week expressing her distress about it too, at that time my voice had said: leave it alone, she will tire of it and abandon it soon enough anyway. I was going to leave it alone but I got copied on some mails with someone we had worked with together that she refused to pay and this brought my anxiety up. So I went to my Spiritual in NJ facebook group to ask for prayer for the situation. By the time I got home that evening she had finally changed it, but not before writing me a couple nasty e-mails and posting in some negative stuff in the group with an alias ID. One of my spiritual friends had told me it was not right to pray for the influence of someones personal choice, as first i accepted but then I politely disagreed with him. I learned how to stand up for myself w/o defending myself and w/o undue anxiety, just a simple please change it and when that was ignored I prayed and when that wasn't enough I asked my friends to pray. And all was resolved...
During the day I went to an event for meetup, there were meeting in an Irish Pub and listening to Irish music. I arrived a little early so I ran across the street to the metaphysical shop and got a Blue Aventurine stone for my sinus problems and also some Eucalyptus oil which is also good for sinus issues. I saw a few friends at the evnent and its always nice to interact with them. I told the group leader about my kite event idea and she was really into that idea, gave me a spot to go to at Sandy Hook and asked to join her group and mine at the event. I was very happy about that and so was she because she said it's been so hard for her to get people to sign up and go to her events, the very very nice ones but sadly the costly ones that pre-registration is required. Other than the cost of a kite, this one is free! I swear I am going to find lots of free things to do that are fun and I am going to post them too. I am going to remind everyone how we used to have fun back in the old days. I went home that night and posted the event and got a bunch of people interested, one friend posted that he wished he didn't have to work because he keeps a kite in his trunk, I told him he wasn't the first person who told me that this weekend. LOL
Monday was a work day, I got an e-mail from the township attorney and have to provide more information for the bank to discuss them taking over the mortgage and getting my house. Then I had to make a dreadful call to one of my credit card companies to try and work out a payment plan. They agreed to 0% interest but only IF I paid a very high monthy amount, still it was less than what they wanted now, and my only other option was keeping it as it was so I told him lets do it. Since I couldn't pay that amount right then and there he told me to call back saturday. Unfortunatley that call didn't stop them from reporting me to the credit bureau and so on Tuesday I got a call from my credit card company, the only one that I had much credit left on, the one that I used for my car insurance, any repairs needed and my gym membership. They were drastically reducing my credit with them and I was in a panic, thats the card I also use if my car needs unexpect repairs! At the same time they were calling me I got a comment on one of my blogs from someone whom I had replied to a few days ago, he was saying he had no hope of earning more money and alcohol was all he had to ease his pains. I was in the process of writing him back and offering to send him a free SpiritStone when the call came. I hesitated for a minute or two wondering if I should be paying for postage and giving away stones I had hoped to sell but in the end decied that I should do it, today I had the money, today was the only day that mattered.
After I wrote him with my encouragement and my offer to send him a free stone one of my cups and saucers sold on E-bay only for 99cents but still it motivated me to see what I can do to sell more stones. Then I called the insurance company and arranged to have my car insurance billed directly to my bank account, that was scary but I am a little a head beause I got my bonus check for the year, I would be ok for now. After that I posted an article on how you can fight many diseases with honey and cinnamon on my forum for healthy-living/health-tip-of-the-day It made me happy to be able to share something that may help someone, especially since so many of my friends don't have health insurance now days. Lastly I prayed to St Michael to come to my aid to help me to earn some more money. Note I said earn, not rain from the sky, not win the lottery or get an inheritance but earn. At any rate though I knew I had enough for today.......
Today I want you to do what you have to do to take care of things in your life, and then I want you to put it out of your mind and do something fun or nice for yourself. Remember whatever bad choices you made in your past are done, and you never know whats coming along in your future so dreading it or banking on it neither have much value TODAY....so why not make today YOUR favorite day too!
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
Saturday, March 3, 2012
3-3-12 Time of Healing
Monday all day I was so sick, my ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton and I was not able to hear. I was miserable and all I wanted to do was get home to rest. My hospice supervisor called me and wanted me to meet her at a new assignment the next day, I could barely hear her on the phone so I just explained my illness and that she should call me the next day to see if I was well enough to meet her. I rushed home to get the futon in the basement ready to show and ended up renting it that evening to a young man who seemed happy to have a place to lay his head despite the lack of privacy there. I then spent the evening on my web-work, trying desperately to get CassiesCalendar newsletter to work again to no avail. I gave up and watched a pretty interesting video one of my friends had posted Psycics Predicitions for 2012 from 30 yrs ago I re-posted it knowing that if anyone dared to believe it, which most would not, that they may be scared. Still I felt compelled to share anyway in the hopes that if anyone wanted to take this as potentially true and work on straightening out thier lives it would be a good idea, actually its a good idea all the time but most people need motivation. Then I took a bunch of different things for my sinuses including some of the "fish pills" that Randy had brought me before. I put him and everything else out of my mind and went to bed.
Tuesday driving to work it was very difficult listening to my book on CD, The Alchemist , in the car. I had the volume up as high as it would possibly go! I still was trying to find things to help me get better and one pen pal from my angels group told me to try apple cider vinegar, two tablespoons mixed in water. Then I got to thinking about a friend I had not heard back from in quite sometime, I had no idea why but I decided to not push it, she would or would not answer my messages when she felt like it, still it troubled me and I wondered if she was mad at me for something I had no clue about. I had my pen pal get a "read" on it and she said she sensed that she has retreated to heal. So she was heavy on my mind as I drove to a Reiki healing circle share that evening when suddenly the idea came into my head that maybe a mutual friend who was angry with me and bashing me all over the place had said something to her, I heard he was saying all kinds of awful untruths about me trying to turn people against me, this friend knew me well and defended me but others do not know me as well as he does. The social circle crowd is full of hurt people who do not behave in the best of ways when they percive they are slighted in some way, its down right nasty actually and I can't tell you how many times people have been angry at me for something and I had no clue and in the end they found out they had mistakenly listened to false information. Its tough being a leader let me tell you, but over the years I have learned to not let it bother me, those who are meant to be in my life find thier way back in time and those who do not that also is fine.... I had no idea if I was right but I sent the angles to handle it and sent her love and light.
The Reiki healing sesssion was very nice, we took turns sharing and giving energy to each other and I was glad to use some of my rusty skills, primarily using my energy on my SpiritStones to give out is nice but its even more rewarding to feel the heat when I am transfering the energy directly to a person, and to hear them say how wonderful it makes them feel. After we did that we held hands in a circle and sent energy to the planet and to the people on it and were encoruaged to name names of people whom we wish to send healing energy to. The friend who hadn't answered my messages was the first name out of my mouth, then my sons and my father and others that I knew. I decided to also include Randy and then reluctantly the name of the man who is angry with me and bashing me to our mutual friends, I know deep down what a good guy he can be, I also know some of his story and thusly his pain. At then end of the evening the Reiki teacher had various types of card decks out and told us to ask a question and to draw one card, my card said YES, your intuition is right now go and do what is needed to remedy the situation. I knew it meant the friend, all I could think of doing was to continue to send out love and healing energy to her and thats what I started to do, regularly, each time she came to mind...
Wednesday was an un-remakable day, still sick but slightly better. I took Jeremy to buy his groceries and then out to dinner. He got a bit emotional because a court notice had come in the mail. He cried and said his life is still a mess, I tried to comfort him some and wish he could see what I see, its been over a year and no seizure, he drinks less, he smokes less, no drugs, he doesnt fight with me and he's restless to get back to work. Time has brought him healing to him and to our relationship as well I am glad he lives here with me now. In the evening my trainer at the gym called me and I told her I wanted to put the sessions on hold. She was trying to get me to come in, because she gets paid if I come in, but I told her it was senseless for me to use the sessions now when I am sick every other week, I told her I need time to heal before I can get back into working out 3 or 4 times a week again. Its a waste of time to use a trainer if I am not going regularly but I know I will feel more up to it soon and I am not going to feel bad about myself for not feeling like doing it now.
Thursday was the first day of March and I recalled how my grandmother alwasy used to say that if March came in like a lion it would go out like a lamb. It was a cold and drizzly day here and I hoped that counted. After work I went over to Walmart and on an impulse bought a kite, why not I thought? It may be a good way to get some fun exerscise for my new group, and also reliving childhood can often bring up old memories to heal as well. In the parking lot the sky was amazing, a big divide of clear sky vs cloudy, as if it was trying to decide if it wanted to be a lion or lamb. I got a shot of it with my cell phone, see below:
It seemed a fitting sight for the day and made me think of the earth and its cycles of wellness (sunny skies) and of healing (storms and clouds).
Friday I had to drive over to PA for a meeting for work, total waste of my time that was! But since I was over there I contacted Mary and had dinner with her. I had brought up to Mary about the one friend who wasn't answering my messages, she told me she sensed something had hurt her and she had retreated. Invite her to lunch she said, I decided not to do that but I did decided to keep messaging her now and again, she'll come around Mary said. We talked about Randy briefly, she said it was a shame he chose to not heal and grow, how he'd wasted this lifetime, but that it was right of me to stay away from him now and to not keep causing injury to myself because of him. I told her though that I no longer hurt over him, he may want to keep punishing me and being prideful by allowing that woman who does not love him stay there as a barrier to us but that's ok and I am greatful really that she is there otherwise I would have been in her shoes and I wasn't happy when I was there, he just lies wayyyyy too much and lies cause me such internal distress as I sense them but can't believe someone whom I love would be so dishonest with me. After that we headed out. She had a reading to go do and I was really sick by that time of day what with the long drive the long meeting not having acces to my meds and such. She told me that she could see my energy was a mess! So when I finally got home at 8pm I went straight to bed.
Saturday I had a walking event for my group http://www.meetup.com/FunandEasyFitness/ , it was a foggy and drizzly day and many backed out but one person posted and said he was coming so I went, we ened up with one more and the three of us walked for 30 minutes before the rain stopped us. We went out for a nice breakfast though and talked and ended up getting on the topic of pain and therapy and family problems, one really poured out a big problem and the other two of us gave some comfort and advice. We each had a little bit to share of our painful pasts we were healing from. I joked and said we should call this walking-talking and therapy! But see this is why I no longer like the big events with tons of people, these kind we get to know one another on a deeper level. Ah but to each thier own. I brought up the kite flying idea to them and the one guy told me he had several kites in his truck! I guess then you will be up to a kite flying event I asked and will you help me with locations and such and he was very interested. I really think doing some of the things we did as kids is going to be fun and theraputic!
So today I want you to be mindful of yourselvess and to take some time and slow down and see where you need to rest and heal. Also look at some of your relatioships and see if they perhaps need a little care and comfort. I told them today that all any of us really wants is to be loved, just the way we are and I know that each of us were let down in our lives by someome, be it a parent or a sibling or a mate or whoever. Take some time and heal those hurts the best you can......it will open up so many possiblities in your life!
With Love and in the Light, Cassie